So The Thumbcast edited out all the sex from Star Trek: The Next Generation – A XXX Porn Parody, and the result? A 26-minute-long Star Trek fan film that’s better than a good number of actual Star Trek episodes. Not too shabby, nerdporn auteurs! You’ve got a better story than half the actual Star Trek movies, a creepily in-depth knowledge of Star Trek continuity, Jean-Luc Picard’s flute*, and a couple of cast members who totally upstage their more legitimate counterparts. I’ll take this over “Sub Rosa” any day.

And the real version features boning! Thanks for the heads up, ComicsAlliance.

UPDATE: Hey, look! A contest! Details in the comment thread, nerds.

*Not a euphemism, surprisingly.

With honor and distinction, Erik Henriksen served as the executive editor of the Portland Mercury from 2004 to 2020. He can now be found at henriksenactual.com.

18 replies on “<i>Star Trek</i> Porn Features Picard’s Flute, Is Better Than A Lot of Actual <i>Star Trek</i> Episodes”

  3. @geyser: Good call. Quick, everybody! CONTEST! Come up with a better title for the Star Trek: The Next Generation porn and leave it in this comment thread. On Monday at around noon, I’ll dig up a (probably crappy) prize and award it to whoever came up with the best one, as decided by myself and Mercury news editor/Star Trek porn aficionado Denis C. Theriault.

  5. “Star Trek: The Next ‘Jaculation”

    or

    “Star Trek: The Sexed Generation”

    or

    “Star Trek: Deeper Space Nine”

  6. How about some real Trek titles that work as porn titles?

    Bisexual Trek: The Best of Both Worlds.
    Lesbian Trek: Where No Man Has Gone Before.
    Virgin Deflowering Trek: The Undiscovered Country
    Twin Porn Trek: Mirror, Mirror
    Kink Trek: The Cage
    Orgy Trek: Mudd’s Women
    Fucked Up Hannibal Lecter Style Grindhouse Trek: What Are Little Girls Made of?
    Cumshot Trek: Space Seed
    Anal Trek: Turnabout Intruder

  8. Star Trek: The Oral Series
    Star Trek: The Next Penetration
    Star Trek: Deep Throat 69
    Star Trek: Voyeur
    Star Trek: Asian Teen Trannie Whores in Space

  10. The Stroking Picture
    The Wrath of Cock
    The Search for Cock
    The Voyage to Bone
    Touch My Cunt Here
    The Undiscovered Cunt
    Penetrations
    First Contact
    His Erection
    Nemesis Sucked Dick

  11. Intercourse at Farpoint. The pitch: every scene ends up as a kind of weird, kind of annoying threesome with John de Lancie.

  12. Your Swedish Erotica 24th Century classics:

    Les Crushers: Ménage à Quatre Avec Trois et Jean-Luc (disponible en France et Québec)

    MILF Wars: Down and Out in Beverly’s Hills

    Borgy and Wes

    Pisster Data

    Captain PicHardon & the Holodeck Whores of Riker’s Island

  13. No film title but if we wormhole into autobiographies of actors:
    Leonard B-boy’s “I am not Cock”, and the follow up “I am Cock” would be a big hit.

  14. Oh shit! It’s really good! I’m actually really surprised I’m not being more critical about the actors portrayals. Really the only two things bothering me is Tasha’s wig and Picard’s accent being the wrong kind of british.

  17. Givin’ her all she’s got.
    Encounter and Pon Farpoint (get it?)
    Gornography
    The inner tight
    Whorta
    Keeping up with the Cardasians
    Assimilate this!
    My Borg’s Hot Queen
    The Screwtral zone
    The one where Chekov gets hurt

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