As you know, the wildly talented Rhett and Link travel the country making AH-MAY-ZING commercials for tiny businesses who need the help—but have they outdone themselves this time? Check out this ulta-sexy-sexy-SEXY commercial for Arlen’s Transmission in Burbank, California… and if you can extricate yourself from the erotic tractor beam of his eyes in the final moments? Well… you are a better person than I.

I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU, ARLEN! HELP ME SHIFT IT!!

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)

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