You were recommended to me by an acquaintance familiar with your column and podcast. I am a 20-year-old male, and as such have certain desires that almost all 20-year-old males have (desires of a sexual nature). However, I am deeply religious. Religion has been for me a source of strength in my times of weakness, a rock in the times of storm, and above all a home to return to when I have lost my path. In the teachings of my particular religion, to indulge the particular desires I am experiencing will condemn me to fates too grotesque to mention. I am rational enough to realize that there is no way that I can “pray away” these desires. My question is this: How does one prepare for a life of celibacy and solitude (as that is what is required of me to remain a member of this particular faith)? Based on what my friend has told me, I know you have little respect for religious practices and beliefs. However, these desires are not exactly something I can talk about with other members of my spiritual community. And while I am currently seeking counseling related to other issues, I was wondering what a so-called expert on sex and sexuality would have to say.
Clever Acronyms Escape Me
Get over yourself, faggot.
If it’s possible for you to act on your unnamed-but-easily-identified desires in an ethical manner—if you desire to do whatever it is you desire to do with consenting adults who desire to take their turn doing it to you—this so-called expert on sexuality thinks you should crawl down off that cross and find yourself a boyfriend already. (“Pray away” the gay? I’m guessing you’re Christian, probably Catholic.) And if you experience a moment’s anxiety the first time you stick your ass in the air—pull the Jesus stick out first!—just remind yourself that things have been crawling on top of each other and madly humping away for 850 million years. Sex came first, then humanity (200,000ish years ago), then religion came along tens of thousands of years after that. Which may explain why religion, when pitted against sex (really old) and human nature (pretty old), always loses. Always.
If you’re on the cross, CAEM, it’s because you put yourself up there. Which means you’re not some poor mortal trapped between a cosmic rock and an existential hard place; you’re just another closeted cocksucker with a martyr complex.
Look, kiddo, you get one life, one chance at happiness. If it gives you a spiritual semi to fantasize about a God who created you gay but forbids you to act on your emotional and sexual attraction to men, knock your damn self out. But you can have a boyfriend and Jesus, too—look at the pope—you just have to do what people have been doing since the first terrified idiot invented the first bullshit religion: improvise. Find yourself a brand-new religion or sect, or jettison the bits of your current faith that don’t work for you. If you know anything about the history of Christianity—and it sounds like you don’t—then you know that the revisions began before the body was cold. No reason to stop now.
And finally, CAEM, there is no God—you do realize that, right? No hell below us, above us only sky, etc.
Impeach the motherfucker already! Get your ITMFA buttons, t-shirts, hats and lapel pins and coffee mugs at www.ITMFA.org!
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preach, brother!
Sorry Dan but your response to this poor person is totally unprofessional. You obviously were wearing your gay blinders when you totally missed the fact that the writer makes no mention of his desires being for other men, in fact he describes his desires as being those of “most any 20 year old man’s”, which as you know statistically does not imply homosexuality at all. He might be thinking about men, but he could also be thinking about girls, BDSM, or going furry – he doesn’t say. Yet you come out the door blasting with hurtful terms like “get over yourself faggot” and “like the cocksucker you are.”
You unleashed every bit of your rage at religious gay bashers (unto itself totally justified) on to this innocent person who was sincerely seeking your help. Nothing about your tone was in any way supportive. Your smug and condescending assertion that “you do know that God doesn’t exist right?” is a perfect example of how some atheists can be just as annoying and small-minded as the overzealously religious. You really don’t know the answer to that question Dan, and stating that to a young person who is confused about their spirituality and sexuality offers ZERO help. Seriously Dan, were you angry drunk when you wrote this? I think organized religion sucks cosmic donkey balls too, but this young person is clearly a victim of its shitiness, not a purveyor.
You owe him an apology. Whether he’s gay or not, he confided in you sincerely that he felt he had nowhere else to turn and you basically shit in his mouth. How would you feel if he ended up killing himself?
I still count myself as a big fan but you went totally off the rails on this one. It’s time you took your own advice about self introspection, sober up, and write him back with a response that is worthy of your reputation as a compassionate and open-minded person who is dedicated to helping people with their sexuality.
Not 100% clear but I agree w Dan that the writer is probably gay. Notice he did not talk about waiting to get married to have sex but instead being celibate for life.
The kid is going to have to come to terms with it, the sooner the better for his mental health. Easiest thing to do is jettison organized religion or at least find a denomination that is more tolerant and open. It is also possible to believe in God without believing a single thing in the Bible. Just be a good person and follow the Golden Rule.
@3 for sure there are many happy gays who believe in religion, not that that is my cup of tea. Once again THERE IS NOTHING IN THE WRITERS STATEMENT THAT IMPLIES THAT HIS SO-CALLED UNHOLY THOUGHTS ARE ABOUT MEN, NOT THAT THAT WOULD MAKE A DIFFERENCE. This person was writing about having a conflict between their religious teachings and his desires. You don’t tell someone “get over yourself faggot” when they are reaching out for help reconciling their religious teachings with their sexual desires. SHAME. YOU. TOO.
Once again:”He might be thinking about men, but he could also be thinking about girls, BDSM, or going furry – he doesn’t say. Yet you come out the door blasting with hurtful terms like “get over yourself faggot” and “like the cocksucker you are.”
Fuck this abusive and presumptive tone. Once again, how would you feel if you found out this young person killed themselves after being shunned by the most accessible “sexpert” available? Again I say this as a fan of Dan Savage although I think he basically fired a gun at an innocent young person.
Check the tone of Dan’s response and tell me it’s okay to talk to anyone like that, regardless of their true orientation.
You should stop hanging with Bill Maher so much. It’s HIS job to be the asshole, and even he wouldn’t punch this far down and this hard. Also, #thisiswhytrumpwon
@7👍