Last July at the Noah’s Ark Water Park in the Wisconsin Dells…
A family and two Noah’s Ark Water Park employees reported seeing Umberger repeatedly follow boys into the bathroom near a children’s pool area, according to the Lake Delton police report. Umberger was found standing next to a 10-year-old using a urinal, the report stated. Umberger denied intentionally following the boys and told an officer he had prostate problems and had to urinate often, according to the DOJ report. Park officials revoked Umberger’s season pass and placed him on a watch list.
Umberger is a Catholic priest. The incident was reported to the Diocese of La Crosse, but Umberger’s superiors “placed no restrictions” on Umberger because it regarded the allegation as “unsubstantiated.” No one could’ve predicted:
The Rev. Patrick Umberger, priest at St. Patrick’s Catholic Parish in Onalaska since 2005, now is accused of having child pornography after a state Department of Justice investigation that traces back to the water park incident.
When Umberger was arrested in his rectory on Wednesday he confessed to the police that he’s “sexually attracted to boys and young men and searched the Internet for images of 12- to 15-year-olds.” A spokesperson for the diocese told the Winona Daily News, “What’s happening right now is a shock.”
To them and them alone.
Gee, maybe church officials would’ve taken action sooner if Umberger had been caught following little girls into a women’s restroom and attempting to ordain them.
Oh look, Dan is acting out again because of his hatred of the Catholic Church! This is surprising.
No…
Wait…
Dan Savage’s blogposts are fucking boring and trope-arific. Why does the Mercury bother putting up his mundanely-hate-filled screeds? Let’s just contain him to his normal weekly column and the podcast.
@ Graham: agreed. Angry yawns all around.
I suspect you know it Graham, but you’re not the only person to read these blogtown.
Did it ever occur to you that the Mercury continues to post Dan Savage because some, dare I even say most readers like to hear what he has to say?
Try looking beyond the 6 inches from your face to the computer screen.
@eat_it: So what you’re saying is that you have an irrational hatred of the Catholic Church? Have fun sailing in that boat with Nativists and the KKK.
YAY COMMENTERS!
Dan Savage and the Catholic church are equal purveyors of bullshit. Self proclaimed experts on whatever issue they care to address. Ignore them both and use your noggin.
But to be fair, kid fucking is gross.
@Graham: You’re saying that you enjoy following 10 year old boys into bathrooms to get your rocks off…?
Oh wait, that’s NOT WHAT YOU SAID AT ALL.
Remember Graham: Remove head from ass, then type.
To clarify (if anyone cares), I love Dan, and I’ve loved his column since I was a tween. I do NOT love these constant, boring posts that say only, “news flash! Religious fundamentalists are hypocritical, illogical and wrongheaded!”
To anyone who reads this blog regularly (or SLOG), all of this shrill choir-preaching is a ginormous “duh.”
@eat_it: You strongly implied that you like what Dan Savage has to say. What he’s saying is that he harbors a deep-seated hatred of the Catholic Church. I had guessed that you enjoyed reading about Dan’s prejudices because you shared them. If you don’t share Dan’s prejudices against the church, what are you getting out of his hate filled screeds?
If I may, probably the same thing we get out of your hate filled screeds. Humor.
Seriously, you’re as obsessed with Dan as he is with the church. You comment on everything he writes. Everybody laughs at the Catholic Church, why worry about Dan?
Word, Bob, word.
@WhatAboutBob?: If I want the Portland Mercury to grow and improve as a local resource, it behooves me to tell them when they’re running stupid content. Dan Savage’s opinion pieces on the Catholic Church are dumb. Savage can be funny, insightful and uplifting; he is accomplishing none of those things with these reactionary rants against an organization that no one trusts.
Yeah, but you can’t keep a dog from humping your leg by picking him up and sucking his dick. That’s what my mama says anyhoo.
I grew up an hour from this particular Noah’s Ark and used to go there as a kid. I don’t ever remember being dogged by creeepy old guys but then again, I was scrawny and hadn’t grown into my bigger-than-normal nose. Oh man, If they could see me today, though….
We went as teenagers, too, and once I waited for my friend at the bottom of the water slide, snuck up and dropped his bathing suit down to his ankles in front of a handful of stunned and screaming parents and little kids.
Perhaps I’m part of the problem, as well.
Graham’s got it right, Bob. Dan’s posts on Blogtown are terrible. And he doesn’t bother to read the comments, like all the other writers do. I quit reading them a long time ago.
@WhatAboutBob?: I have no idea what that means, but I’m enjoying it for some reason. Your mother sounds like quite the interesting woman. I bet she could write more interesting blogposts than Dan Savage.
She’s awesome, my friends call her the Rachael Ray dog-dick-sucking analogies. It’s kind of her bread and butter. Blogging violates the terms of her probation, so fat chance.
@ Graham – your hatred is so adorable. please tell us, what did Dan do to you to earn such singular enmity? sure, a good portion of his posts are pointless and stoopid, but then that’s about average for blogtown isn’t it?
“If I want the Portland Mercury to grow and improve as a local resource, it behooves me to tell them when they’re running stupid content.”
are we talking about double rainbows here?
@eric cantona: It’s Dan’s chronic failure to bring the lulz; Savage is a lulz-killer. Maybe he’s attempting some sort of long-term meta-trolling, but I seriously doubt it.
once again…
Graham : “If I want the Portland Mercury to grow and improve as a local resource, it behooves me to tell them when they’re running stupid content.”
lulz or content – what is it you’re arguing for here? I’m not trying to chair the Dan Savage fan club or anything, but your continued shrill harping is getting tiresome. to me, at least.
Keep it up Graham. I used to do it, but gave up when it became clear to me that Dan never reads the comments on his “articles.”
YAY LULZ COMMENTERS!
@EC: What I’m arguing for is a cessation of Dan Savage’s posts about pedophilia or the Catholic Church. I find them to be a phenomenal waste of his and our time.
I will agree that—except in the case of Justin Bieber—pedophilia is a phenomenal waste of my time.
I actually agree with Graham and others. Sometime ago, someone described them as “drive-by blog posts”. His posts never hit their target and just make my scroll wheel wear out faster.
And in the case of your exception, WSH, it’s technically pederasty. I’m surprised your lawyer hasn’t already made those charge….I mean those allegation….I mean those facts clear.
What does Dan think anyway? We’re not totally crazy to ask for a response this time. There’s no pitchforks. Besides, he can still post in his own state.
Hey, I’m Catholic (when I feel like it) and I agree with Dan. The more criticism there is about the RCC being a bunch of Namblers means they’re gunna hafta comes to terms with why they’re viewed as such. The other thing too, Graham, if you don’t like a particular subject on this blog- DON’T READ IT.