- Benjamin Brink/The Oregonian
Los Angeles has Vin Scully. Chicago had Harry Caray. If sports in Portland ever had a voice, that voice belonged to Bill Schonely, aka The Schonz. And today, the NBA recognized that voice by giving him the Curt Gowdy Media Award, in honor of his contributions to the game of basketball.
This is awesome. And yet, I’m still more than a little salty after hearing the news. Because once upon a time, there were calls like this, and calls like that, and even when the basketball being played in Portland wasn’t good, it sure as hell sounded that way.
And now, these are the calls Schonely makes on behalf of the Blazers:
I feel robbed, myself. There was no reason that the 1998 Playoffs needed to be Schonely’s final call. There was no reason for the management at the time (Bob Whitsitt had something to do with this, I believe, one of the first signs Trader Bob wasn’t all he was cracked up to be) to force the man out. This is the second time he’s been recognized as a Hall-of-Fame broadcaster (the Oregon Sports Hall of Fame inducted him back in 2002). He’s still got the pipes, the mind, and the ability.
But instead, we were denied over a decade of Hall-of-Fame quality broadcasting, and what were we left with?
We were left with a pandering, nasal gasbag with a case of chronic homeritis, a man so poor at the fundamentals of basic broadcasting he often goes five minutes at a time before remembering to announce what the score is, a man whose sole memorable catchphrase, “Boom Shaka-Laka,” was stolen from the motherboard of a 1992 quarter muncher.
See this jersey?
That jersey doesn’t exist unless Bill Schonely does. An entire generation of Portland children practiced for hours a day on their driveway asphalt because Schonely made the sage advice “You’ve got to make your free throws,” a legitimate catchphrase, alongside more nonsensical bits of verbal wordplay like “Lickety-brindle up the middle” and “Bingo, bango, bongo,” full of words that aren’t actual words, but still translate the motion of the game perfectly. He never sounded like he was forcing a call, or trying too hard. He could amp up an audience without having to play the homer card. He’d get excited when the Blazers went on a tear, but was equally stern and disappointed when they blew a play.
This guy?
Boom-Shaka-Laka. That’s it. A pandering jangle of syllables swiped from Midway’s NBA JAM. That’s all there is. He doesn’t have Schonely’s understanding of the game, nor the ability to translate that understanding to the listeners, nor the ability to get the listeners invested in what’s happening on the floor. He adds nothing to the experience that you can’t already get bellying up to the bar at Spirit of ’77 and listening to whatever drunkard pounding peanuts into his maw manages to spit out between swigs. I’d rather listen to fucking Walton call a game than I would Brian Wheeler, and yet this guy is still behind the microphone.
Imagine the Dodgers telling Vin Scully to take a hike. Imagine the Cubs telling Harry Caray to go kick rocks. Portland did the equivalent back in 1998, and I’m still burnt about it.
This recognition by the NBA? Yeah, it’s a nice balm, and he’s more than deserving. It’s just more than a little sad that an entire generation of fans has had to settle for some bullshit, when the man who did just as much to cultivate the atmosphere of Portland sports at its finest was relegated to selling vaccuum cleaners between timeouts.
When I lived in Seattle in 98 Wheeler was interviewed on one of the sports talk stations and it was remarkable to me how unbelievably boring he was to listen to, let alone his serious lack of insight. I didn’t believe a man who spoke with so many “uhhs” and “umms” could actually call a game for radio.
I’ll take Mike Rice and that other guy any day.
Wow, Fatboy are gonna cry because Paul Allen fired Schonely? I haven’t read something this pathetic since whatever the last thing Damosa posted.
Schonely is pretty good, but he is not comparable to Vin Scully or Harry Caray. No one outside of Portland knows who the Schonz is; I guess Wheels isn’t the only one with a raging case of homeritis. Or should I say Schonzorrhea?
Sure he’s comparable, anonymous person. I just did it. Can you think of someone else in Portland sportscasting who occupies such a position?
Also, I know for a fact you’ve read more pathetic things on the internet since DamosA’s investigation. I assume it happens most frequently when the “preview post” panel pops up right before you hit send. 🙂
Just want to point out, it’s Spirit of *77* (that was the year the Blazer’s won the Championship, and also the name of the bar).
Fixed. Thanks for that, #4
This post will surely be adduced as evidence by the FBI when Wheels goes “missing” and they arrest Fatboy.
It’s one thing to praise someone’s accomplishments; it’s something entirely different–and alarming–to have so much hate for someone you’ve never met. [shudder]
Methinks your threshold for alarm is being exaggerated for comedy purposes, anonymous person. Also your ability to discern “hate” through text.
Much like I didn’t praise Schonely as a person, but as a broadcaster, I criticized not Wheeler’s personal life, but his performance at his profession, which is altogether poor, and has been for over a decade. It’s not like I didn’t give the guy a shot – I did. I had to, its not as if there was another choice.
Here’s another comparison for you, since you disliked the previous one: Going from Schonely to Wheeler is akin to going from Carson to Leno. I don’t hate Leno. He’s just astoundingly shitty at his job. That doesn’t prevent other people from enjoying him, nor does it prevent me from wondering how many more people would have a deeper appreciation of comedy if they’d grown up watching Carson.
Also: I’ve met Wheeler a couple times. He seemed a pleasant guy. Which is why I didn’t criticize his personal life, but his job performance, especially in light of the person he replaced.
I don’t have a beef with Wheeler necessarily. But growing up with the Schonz as the voice of the Blazers left an indelible mark on me. I remain a staunch Bill Schonely loyalist. The way the organization forced him out was just plain shitty.
Amen Fatboy. Amen. It was never the same after ’98.