Look, we know you’re busy. So here’s the entire Olympics Opening Ceremony (which actually occurred this morning Beijing time) condensed into 30 seconds! (Or you can watch the whole thing tonight on NBC starting at 8 pm.)

Hold on… is that dude with the torch flying?? Aw, hell no!

https://youtube.com/watch?v=uN8RABYKdeA%26hl%3Den%26fs%3D1

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)