It’s been nearly a couple weeks since the Portland Trail Blazers announced the throwback attire to commemorate their 40th year of roundball, and as much as I want to like their new look, I still think the jerseys are uglier than Ha Seung-Jin’s face.
Granted, the Blazers red jersey is a classic, but alongside the modern baggy shorts it’s a far cry from the glory days when that look was synonymous for being plastered skin tight on the pasty frame of Bill Walton. I doubt the team’s current crop of players will want to indulge us all—come on Rudy, do it—by rocking the ’70s “nut hugger” short-shorts just for the sake of celebrating an era that happened long before they were born. Remember when the Lakers tried this a couple years ago and wore long tights beneath their shorts? And that’s why we hate the Lakers.
The white Rip City option is far worse. If this Bill Schonely quote made the cut, how long until “Boom-Chaka-Laka” finds its way to a player’s chest? These jerseys resemble something you’d find in the (new) ABA. But since this is clearly not my area of expertise—I normally wear either a burlap sack, or wooden barrel with suspenders, everyday to work—I turned to our resident fashion expert, Marjorie Skinner of MOD.
“It would be nice to see what the shorts look like on, I hate the super long b-ball shorts… I just don’t like the ones you could make a fort with in your living room.”
She’s right. Nut hugging is always better than living room fort.
Ezra, the Blazers actually tried to rock the nut-hugger look for a game, probably about 8 years ago… Rasheed Wallace, Isaiah Rider, Bonzi, Damon, etc.
I think a few decided to pass (Sabonis, if I remember right)… but the starting line-up definitely did it.
I like the red jerseys. The white Rip City ones can rot in hell as far as I’m concerned.
Granted the white uniforms don’t look so hot. But, Ezra, are you bagging on the Schonz?
Those are going to look even worse when they’re playing against a team in non-retro wear.
Lyle, that sounds amazing. I once saw Bonzi in a cashmere turtleneck, but that is nothing compared to short shorts.
stukasoverpdx, I was not bagging on the Schonz (I am a lot of things, a Schonzbagger is not one of them), just pointing out that his Rip City tag looks out of place on a uniform.
There is absolutely no reason they can’t just go back to the 87-88 jerseys. Not as throwbacks. Just go back to them. I never liked when they switched over to these jerseys made in photoshop. “Uh…Impact font. make it italic. YES! We’re a lot more 90’s now, guys! Make the logo italic, too!” Stupid.
If you wanna honor Schonz, let him call games again. That’s it.
Well hey, at least the white one is… marginally better than a plain white tank top would be?
Ezra, I forgot to sock you in the shoulder last time I saw you at Luke and Marni’s. I planned to sock you in the shoulder because you get to go to every game and sit comfortably in the media box (whether the “journalists” respect you or not is moot). Remind me next time I see you there, maybe this weekend? Anway, I like the red jerseys, but was similarly soft on the rip city logo. Ultimately, it comes down to how much you’ll barf when you see the newbie fans wearing them around town. They’re pretty innocuous, so I’m thinking they won’t really make me barf much.
–Tim E.
I don’t know Ezra, I like them just fine. I will however, continue to support your movement to get us Sasquatch as a mascot. (Sorry Blaze).
Red ones are fine. But Rip City? Yeesh. Just seems like too informal a Portland nickname for a jersey. Might as well put “Lesbian Town” or “Bike Thiefylvania” or “Max Beatingville” on ’em.
You’d never catch other major cities putting Chi-town, Frisco or Beantown on their jerseys.
If you read this, you are a ‘dick’.
Hi, ‘dick’.