Breaking news, you guys! Tiger Woods has personally screwed up your life (in case you didn’t notice) with his sexual shenanigans, and he’s really, really sorry. Also, his wife Elin did NOT whack him with a golf club—but wait. We’re supposed to be happy about that? If you ask me, SHE’S THE ONE WHO NEEDS TO APOLOGIZE!!
Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.) More by Wm. Steven Humphrey
I listened to this this morning. Dude sounds like a sad robot!
I’m more offended by his apology than his screwing around.
God that was tedious.
I still wish he would just embrace the bad guy image and go on to dominate the PGA as the ultimate villain. Sort of like when Hulk Hogan went bad in wrestling. He takes up smoking, carries a flask on the course, wears all black, acts surly in every interview, gets photographed grinding with skanks at clubs, threatens Phil Mickelson constantly.
Tell me that wouldn’t be awesome?
Due is so getting laid tonight at the local Izzy’s.
I so don’t care. Even though it is probably the most interesting thing to happen in the world of professional golf since… forever.
I do hope Famous African-American Golfer overcomes his crippling interest in the bad kind of sex. I cannot accept him as a professional athlete, celebrity endorser, or all-around fantastically wealthy mega-whatever until he stops touching women that the Buddhist version of Jesus didn’t appoint for him.
I, for one, don’t give a rats ass what these celebrities do, with a few exceptions (Michael Vick, for instance)as their antics don’t impinge on my personal life. In my opinion, if people paid more attention to their own problems and lives, and weren’t so interested in everyone elses’ life, the world would be a better place.