In this video for the Dancing Pigeons’ song “Ritalin” two hillbillies answer the eternal, previously unanswered question: Which would win in a fight: a flame thrower or a fire extinguisher? Answer: When two hillbillies fight with a flame thrower and a fire extinguisher, EVERYBODY WINS.

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Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)