Alex just posted something that gave me a great idea on how to spend my retirement. Since all of you are so deathly afraid of robots—and well you should be—I’m going to go around murdering them for pay. Like this guy.

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I dig Magnus, Robot Fighter’s steez for a few reasons:

1) His first name sounds like a condom.

2) He goes to work every day in tight short pants—not unlike myself.

And 3) He fucking karate chops the heads off robots when they get too uppity. From Wikipedia:

Magnus was raised by a robot known as 1A…
1A trained Magnus as a warrior to protect humans against both rogue robots, and humans who used normal robots for evil purposes. Magnus was trained from infancy by 1A in an under-sea domed house, using advanced techniques, to become a skilled martial artist who could break steel with his bare hands.

Since this is pretty close to my own life story, I’d say being a short pants-wearing robot murderer—let’s not kid ourselves, he’s not “fighting” them, he’s “murdering” them—is the perfect post-Mercury career for me. As long as it’s “ethical,” right? That’s where you come in:

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)

3 replies on “My Retirement Plan: Robot Murderer”

  1. I read a lot of Magnus comics when I was high school.

    But he’s not wearing short-shorts. He’s kind of famous for not wearing short shorts! It’s really more of a minidress.

    http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m9zszdzj…

    I think that Zap Brannigan’s uniform on Futureama is based on Magnus’ costume. Which is what I SHOULD have been for Halloween, now that I think about it!

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