This invention, found at a “Japanese Scientists Need to Concentrate on Cancer” expo, is entitled a “sperm collector”—but I’m pretty sure it has other uses as well. For example, I bet it would be great at shelling pistachios. Or maybe socking somebody in the balls (if you put a boxing glove on it). Or receiving simulated fellatio while watching FOX News. All I know is that I’ve been doing sperm collection the old-fashioned way for too many years. ME WANTEE!!
Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.) More by Wm. Steven Humphrey
Definitely not where you want to put your finger…
I LOVE THE JAPANESE! Now if they could find a way to have it convert the stuff into powdered non-dairy creamer, the machine would pay for itself in a matter of months!
If you happen to be too short or too tall you can just forget about milking time.
that thing will put the internet out of buisness
Oh man I had a dream about this thing…
Buy one here: http://www.alibaba.com/product-gs/211985590/Sperm_Collector.html
Only $2,800 a set!