The Holiday Food & Drink Spectacular!
Happy Holidays! It’s time to see your family! If you’re partnered, it’s time to see your partner’s family! Maybe you like your family, and maybe you don’t, but what we can all agree on is that small talk with extended family—or, as my family does it, detailed run-downs of every medical procedure every family member has had this year—can be awkward and more than a little dull. Nothing helps a four-hour family dinner (we have to show up early to cook?) fly by like a tasty edible treat to let the eyes soften and the head nod. Oh, and then they needed to take your spleen out again? Fascinating.
For your holiday snacking pleasure, I have compiled a helpful list of holiday-themed edible treats from your local cannabis-infused snack makers. Some are limited to the holidays. Some were with us all along. Some are just new.
There are some universals to the edible experience described on this list. Most infused snack makers suggest a dose size of two to five milligrams, but in many cases the candy piece is double or triple that and needs to be cut into pieces. All the edibles take from 45 minutes to an hour to take effect. Most of the packaging carries a reminder NOT TO TAKE MORE, but it feels worthwhile to mention again: Do NOT overdo it. It’s better to underdo your holiday edible high because overdone edible highs can approach a psychedelic experience and nobody wants to see their father-in-law’s face melt.
Elbe’s Edibles Cold Brew Hard Candy
Hands down my favorite snack in this round-up. First, it tastes wonderful. This candy has a real handle on that creamy coffee flavor with none of the caffeine jolt. I was watching a movie with terrific music (or at least that’s what I think happened) and I was suddenly lost in the luxury of a sparse score and the film’s long, sustained still shots. I’m fond of these cinematic devices, but Elbe’s candy really put me in the hot tub experience of enjoyment. This candy is impossible to split up, so you just have to be comfortable with 5 milligrams of THC. (Available at Collective Awakenings, 2823 NE Sandy; Oregon’s Finest - Downtown, 1327 NW Kearney; and more.)
Junk by Leif Goods Marshmallow Bon-Bons
These bon-bons were not technically created for the holidays, but they fit right in. Leif’s bon-bons have a simultaneously light and rich taste with no trace of weed. Dosage talk: How was I supposed to split this chocolate-covered marshmallow in half and only eat one half? This bon-bon is for lovers, apparently. I accidently ate a whole bon-bon (10 milligrams CBD, 7ish milligrams of THC) and spent an entire day stoned and playing video games. Any and all plans I had of working were shot, but I felt super calm and that vibe carried over into the next day when a guy called the Mercury and shouted, “Stop calling me and my friends Nazis!” It was like I’d just come back from vacation. It’s worth noting that these bon-bons are vegan. (Available at Farma, 916 SE Hawthorne; Serra, 2519 SE Belmont; Five Zero Trees, 909 NE Dekum; and more.)
Laurie + MaryJane Cheese Crisp Crackers
Chocolate is fine and everything, but where I come from (the Midwest), nothing says holidays like cheese. I was already a fan of Laurie + MaryJane’s Cheese Crisp Crackers when I started this piece because, at 2.94 milligrams of THC per cracker, you can eat a whole damn cracker. Maybe you can eat two! I feel talkative on these crisps and have burned relationships to the ground with my unpopular opinions about Paul Thomas Anderson films. Though I like the crisps’ savory peppery taste, I should warn you that they do taste like pot. That didn’t stop them from winning the 2017 Dope Magazine Dope Cup for best savory edible. (Available at Brothers Cannabis, 3609 SE Division; Oregon’s Finest - Lloyd Center, 736 NE MLK; Floyd’s Fine Cannabis, 801 NE Broadway; and more.)
Grön Dark Chocolate Covered Medallions
Grön’s edibles have earned a reputation. Grön does it right. These fair trade-sourced dark chocolate-covered mint medallions are a limited release for the holidays, and once again they expect you to only eat half a medallion or share one with your cool sibling as you both prepare to run the extended family gauntlet. The two times I ate half a medallion (I was full-on plastic baggy-ing it at this point), I experienced a noticeable, amiable high without doing anything stupid or saying anything I regret. I didn’t feel tired, but the sleeps I had after each dose were unusually satisfying. Both times I did feel like I had a sort of stickiness in my brain the next day. (Available at Collective Awakenings, 2823 NE Sandy, Nectar - Mississippi, 4125 N Mississippi; Nectar - Sandy, 3350 NE Sandy; and more.)
Oregon Candy Farm Peppermint Fudge
This peppermint fudge was rich, delicious, and by far the edible that most approximated that indulgent holiday dessert experience. The dosage was a little confusing (0.2 of a piece contains 5 milligrams of THC, so I tried to cut off slightly less than a quarter). The high felt pretty negligible compared to Grön or Leif, so next time I’ll eat a third or half. (Available at Collective Awakenings, 2823 NE Sandy Blvd; and more.)