Mask up and head out for a chance to see over 40 years of professional Portland soccer history at the Oregon Historical Society Museum this weekend! Andrea Lonas Photography via Oregon Historical Society

We've almost made it through July somehow, and hopefully if we stack our weekend full of amazing Things to Do, we'll fly right through it and get one step closer to August, which is one month closer to this year finally ending and things hopefully getting better. And there are quite a few amazing Things to Do indeed, like a chance to walk through 45 years of Portland soccer history, to virtually visit both giant comic-cons and crafty wonderlands, or to invite all of Brooklyn and Philly into your living room. And as our Editor-In-Chief likes to say: If you're going to go out, Wash Ya Damn Hands, Wear Ya Damn Mask, hit the links below, and plan your weekend accordingly!


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All Weekend

IN-PERSON EVENTS

We Are the Rose City! A History of Soccer in Portland
The Oregon Historical Society Museum is newly re-opened, and if you're feeling like heading indoors and observing all the social distancing practices required, you'll be rewarded with the opportunity to literally walk through 45 years worth of stories, objects, art, and ephemera representing the history of professional soccer in Portland.

Zoigl-Lot Brew 'n' Q
For summer 2020 you can now make good use of the Zoiglhaus parking lot, which has been converted into a safely socially distanced dining area. Order up some beers, down some BBQ grub, and enjoy live music all weekend long.

SLAY Drive-In at Oaks Park
Double Feature of 32 terrifying short films!

Ryan Niemiller
A weekend's worth of stand-up sets from America's Got Talent's self-described "cripple threat of comedy," telling jokes about what it's like to live and find love in a Los Angeles that isn't really designed for him.

LIVESTREAMED EVENTS

MLS is Back Tournament
Soccer is back! And that means the Portland Timbers are back. It won't be the same (Spoilers: NOTHING will be the same) as if they were in Providence Park, but they will return to the field to compete in Major League Soccer's one-off tournament, marking the league's return after a COVID-19 hiatus. Watch them live from Disney World.

Comic-Con @ Home
The mecca of all merchandising, the promised land of pop-culture religion, the convention that was once about comic-books and is now just sort of, like, one giant festival for marketing marks and advertising aficionados, is going online for 2020 because even when there wasn't a pandemic on, squeezing 100k people into San Diego's Convention Center was getting to be a bit too much in terms of crowding and also being a disgusting germ factory. So now, if you want to watch panels, watch trailers, watch people introduce new things for you to buy that you can't buy yet but you're excited and making a reaction video already, Comic-Con @ Home is five straight days of that regular Comic-Con experience, but on your TV instead! All panels will be available on the Comic-Con YouTube channel, and there's going to be about 350 of them spread out over the event.

Crafty Wonderland Virtual Market
An online transformation for this local makers festival, taking the act of browsing vendor booths into the virtual world with a tour of various creators' Instagram pages, presenting new works and goods, and providing demos live, answering customer questions, and more.

The Tempest
Twilight Theater Company presents a two-part, two-night livestreamed performance of the Shakespeare classic, incorporating the Zoom platform into the storytelling itself, a story about being cut off, isolated, but still moving forward to what is hopefully a better future. Directed by Paul Roder.

LIVESTREAMED CONCERTS

Xponential Music Festival Summer Celebration
Philadelphia's WXPN usually hosts one of the nation's best summer festivals right around this time every year, but obviously in 2020 they can't do that. So instead, they're packing the weekend full of archived performances from the fest's history, and brand-new exclusive livestreams from artists scheduled to attend this year, including Liz Phair, Nicole Atkins, The Districts, Michaela Anne, and more.

BRIC Celebrate Brooklyn Festival
One of Brooklyn's largest and longest-running music festivals goes online for 2020, aiming to translate their outdoor get-together vibe to a virtual experience that puts Brooklyn right in your living room, featuring performances from Common w/ Robert Glasper, Angelique Kidjo, Questlove, Lila Downs, Junglepussy, Buscabulla, and more.


Friday, July 24

IN-PERSON EVENTS

Tahirah Memory
Portland jazz vocalist Tahirah Memory comes back - like, really back - to perform live (but still safely socially distanced) on Amalfi's converted patio for a sorely-needed hit of homegrown goodness.

Noah Bell Trio
The frontman for the Bottleneck Blues Band brings his slide guitar virtuosity to this trio setup at the Blue Diamond.

El Gringo Mariachi Band
The Kenton Club's outdoor stage plays host to a night of lively rock 'n' roll with, as the band name makes clear, a bit of a mariachi twist to it. 

Flagrant Orange
The Big Legrowlski hosts this lively evening of up-and-coming alt-rock goodness via a band fronted by "a socially privileged white girl from Olympia" and "a poor brown guy who came of age on the punk scene in Berkeley."

Black is Beautiful Release
Migration Brewing answered the brewing community's call to support Black Lives Matter through the Black is Beautiful project, created by San Antonio's Weathered Souls Brewing. Over 30 brewers in Oregon are participating, and Migration's offering, an American-style Imperial Stout, is being released in six-pack cans, on draft and on nitro at both their pub locations, with proceeds from all packaging sales going straight to Rose City Justice.<,/p>

LIVESTREAMED EVENTS

Black Box: Page to Stage
CoHo co-founder Gary Cole rolls out a virtual red carpet for Black Box: Page to Stage, a fundraising performance adapting scenes from Cole's debut novel. 75% of the evening's proceeds will support arts and cultural organizations affected by the pandemic, with the remainder helping keep CoHo running.

A Virtual Show For Good
STCK Design and Brain Bang present this virtual variety show (for good! It's there in the title even!) helping benefit the Cupcake Girls, a nonprofit providing resources and help for those in the sex-worker industry, as well as those affected by sex trafficking.

What's More Metal
Two of Portland's biggest self-described badass burnouts bring their podcast all about the most horns-throwingly metal shit in the whole universe to Kickstand Comedy's Facebook Live and Twitch channels. Starring Nariko Ott and Dan Weber.

Virtual OMSI After Dark: Zest Fest!
For the first time ever, the OMSI After Dark series (that's where they don't let kids in past a certain time and the adults who ARE in get to drink and get their science on) goes virtual. That means the age restriction is lifted, and the after-dark shenanigans will be happening in your living room. This month's culinary adventure is called "Zest Fest" and investigates the science behind spice, with demos from hot sauce experts and more. Tickets include access to the live stream and 10 different hot sauces you can pick up at OMSI.

Greg & Gleib: It's a G Thing
A livestreamed night of off-the-top comedy creativity via Greg Proops and Ben Gleib, two men for whom "G thing" is code for "top-notch improv."

Cocktail Making w/ McMenamins
You might not be able to get yourself a stiff drink at McMenamins as easily as you used to, but that doesn't mean those McMenamins drinks can't still be drunk up: Cocktail specialist Ashley hosts a weekly series of Facebook Live-streams teaching you how to make the perfect mixed drinks you've always wanted to try at the bar.

LIVESTREAMED CONCERTS

Testify: Virtual
Holocene hosts this special livestreamed edition of DJ Honest John and Plant DDJ's team-up to pour only the best hip-hop and R&B party jams down the intertubes and into your living room, with proceeds benefitting We Got Next.

Back in Black 40th Anniversary
It's hard to believe the classic AC/DC album is 40 years old in 2020, but that's only because the sound on that LP is literally timeless, and Consequence of Sound hosts this livestream on YouTube celebrating the record that shook rock 'n' roll all night long.

Dirty Honey
The newly-minted quartet out of Los Angeles brings their blues-tinged hard rock to the Viper Room for a livestream-only concert, with jams from their debut EP as well as even more new stuff to enjoy.

Missing U - A Livestream Benefit
Neumos and our sister site The Stranger are excited to be hosting "Missing U," A celebratory streaming performance from Naked Giants, a trio that encapsulates a lot about your early 20s—that goopy, postadolescent period where the tension between taking things seriously, but not too seriously, is at an all-time high. The trio balances these extremes with great ease to make raucous, good-natured music that's particularly moshable. JASMYNE KEIMIG

The Portland Social Distance Ensemble
45th Parallel Universe does what they do best—providing top-notch performances of an acclaimed composer's most interesting work—with an online twist, allowing musicians from all over the world to form trios, quartets, quintets and full ensembles from the safety of their own homes.

Pickathon Presents a Concert a Day: Lake Street Dive
Every band of the last six decades has said that they’re influenced by the Beatles, but not all of them take full pages from the Beatles’ songbook like Lake Street Dive. From Harrisonesque guitar riffs to arrangements à la Abbey Road’s meandering sincerity, the band folds the crucible of influence into their own modern retro. This four-piece has it all, from upbeat toe-tappers that fit as easily among soul classics as they do on a Top 40 station, to crooning ballads that dare you to harmonize along with frontwoman Rachael Price’s radiant, R&B-tinged vocals.


Saturday, July 25

Support The Portland Mercury

IN-PERSON EVENTS

Hot Meals & Gender Feels: A Trans/Nonbinary Community Event
JOIN presents this community pop-up designed to provide free produce, groceries, lunch, and other resources to transgender and nonbinary folks. Social distancing best practices are required, but if you feel unable to abide by those guidelines, "feel encouraged to send someone you trust to pick up groceries and lunch for you."

Artigiano's Piemontese Feast
In the latest installment of Artigiano's dinner series sampling the flavors and feelings of Italy, diners will go on a culinary journey to Piemonte, a region known for "egg yolk pastas, mushrooms, strong cheeses, butter, hazelnuts, rich meat braises, and earthy wines."

Blake Shelton, Gwen Stefani, Trace Adkins
A one-night only concert feature specifically filmed for the purpose of screening at drive-in theaters across the country, starring Blake Shelton, with support from Gwen Stefani and Trace Adkins. The 99w in Newberg will open up just for the occasion, but tickets will be going through Ticketmaster, so make sure you've got that ($114.99!) ticket ready before you drive out that way. And maybe have a couple extra people in that car to help split the cost.

LIVESTREAMED EVENTS

Lindsay Ellis, Seanan McGuire
The YouTube superstar best known for her insightful and hilarious multi-part feminist deconstruction of Michael Bay's Transformers series is also a novelist, and her debut work, Axiom's End, is an alternate-history adventure about first contact. Lindsay will be joined in conversation with author/filker Seanan McGuire.

Ask Us Anything w/ Steve Hofstetter & Daniel Muggleton
The Nowhere Comedy Club hosts this ongoing improv series starring stand-ups Steve Hofstetter and Daniel Muggleton as they build an entire comedic reality out of audience suggestions and questions.

LIVESTREAMED CONCERTS

Red White Black & Blues
Dayglo and Steve Jordan present this special 16-hour retrospective on a century of Black excellence, showcasing some of the best performances from America's finest recording artists, including Aretha Franklin, Parliament-Funkadelic, Kamasi Washington, Etta James, Bill Withers, Run DMC, Marvin Gaye, Earth Wind and Fire, The Temptations, Nina Simone, Billie Holiday, and many, many more.

ANDAZ 18th Anniversary Livestream w/ DJ Anjali & the Incredible Kid
ANDAZ turns 18, and the momentousness of that achievement will be felt through booming bass and bouncy bhangra music as this legendary pair once again serves up an energetic DJ set live on Twitch, with a pre-show Desi dance lesson by Anjali.

Alanis Morissette, The Beaches
The latest artist to take over the Budweiser At Home stage and beam themselves straight into your living room is '90s pop-rock goddess Alanis Morissette, supported by The Beaches.

Ramsey Lewis - The Beatles Songbook Vol. 1
One of the best pianists in jazz history lends his considerable talents and amazing ear for arrangements to this livestream reinterpreting the Lennon/McCartney (and sometimes George and Ringo, too) songbook.

Full Send: Still Gonna Send It (From a Distance)
The latest installment of this monthly festival-style dance night, bringing an ocean wave's worth of house music infused with electronic, hip hop, R&B, and funk fresh from the Holocene floor, through their Twitch and YouTube channels, and into your living room dancefloor.

Puddles Pity Party
Need more proof of the power of the internet: In 2013, an unknown seven-foot-tall clown set down his lantern (?), looked disdainfully into a camera, and boomed out a Lorde cover. Then reflect on how Puddles the Clown and his Puddles' Pity Party are headlining a big concert once again. The guy’s talented as hell, but INTERNET.

Andrew Bird, Madison Cunningham
Andrew Bird is a one-man symphony: The multi-instrumentalist sings, whistles, and plays violin, guitar, and glockenspiel. He masterfully loops layers upon layers of dense, intricate sounds to create elaborate orchestral pop.

Everlast
A one-night-only livestream concert from Everlast, the unlikeliest of all folk stars considering he got his start as part of Ice-T's crew, fronted House of Pain, and became a legitimate pop star with What It's Like. Comedian Christopher Titus hosts this intimate show.


Sunday, July 19

LIVESTREAMED EVENTS

Who Sampled? A Hip-Hop Trivia Game
Finally, a pub-quiz for you crate-diggers and beat-fiends who won't let any of your friends just enjoy a song without chiming in to tell them that it's just a sample from so-and-so mixed with an interpolation from this-and-that. If you think you have the skills to take home the Who Sampled crown, hosts Ren the Vinyl Archaeologist and DJ Platurn are here to test you.

Shayla Lawson, Emma Dabiri
A conversation between BBC correspondent Emma Dabiri, author of Twisted: The Tangled History of Black Hair Culture, a collection of essays on the ways Black hair has been appropriated and stigmatized, and Shayla Lawson, author of This is Major: Notes on Diana Ross, Dark Girls, and Being Dope.

Takeout & a Movie
Filmed by Bike wants you to order takeout from your favorite eatery, and once you've got your dinner ready to go, fire up the Filmed by Bike's Adventure Shorts tour program, including a Q&A about Oregon tourism. Proceeds benefit the Hospitality Help Fund and the Cycle Oregon Fund.

Dave's Basement
A local, lo-fi streaming showcase for some of Portland's most interesting makers and creators, with contributions from musicians, filmmakers, comedians, storytellers, stand-ups, and anyone who has the gift to make something out of nothing and make it interesting. Contributors include Jed Arkley, Curtis Cook, Ben Harkins, Kyle Stebbins, Anne Zander, Tara Blaine, Jeff Kreisler, Amy Conway, Gretchen Schackel, Hamid Shibata-Bennet and more.

LIVESTREAMED CONCERTS

Smokepurpp
This up-and-coming hip-hop star hosts not just a livestream concert of his own stuff, but a "Beat Royale" collecting producers from all over the country and putting their best productions in a bracket for Purpp to determine who is best behind the boards.

Sierra Ferrell
Part of the Whispering Beard Summer Safety Sessions livestream series, featuring some singing, some stomping, some yodeling, and a lot of satisfying singer/songwriter stuff from West Virginia's Sierra Ferrell.

Billy Strings
The aptly named Billy Strings (born William Apostol) played in heavy metal bands before embracing bluegrass, and his flat-picking style is a sort of mix between Doc Watson and Randy Rhoads. His solo debut, Turmoil & Tinfoil, offers up a collection of neo-traditional bluegrass songs addressing such contemporary matters as meth addiction and police shootings, while remaining rooted in dusty fields and muddy rivers.