"This adorable stocking cap conveniently hides my "666" birthmark." Credit: via FX

OMG, you guys! American Horror Story is SO INSANE! And last night’s season finale was the “insane-iest”! Hit the jump for my thoughts on this episode, and be sure to add your comments to the… ummm… you know, “comments.” LET’S DO THIS!

This adorable stocking cap conveniently hides my 666 birthmark.
  • via FX
  • “This adorable stocking cap conveniently hides my “666” birthmark.”

•••

Okay, here’s what I’m thinking…

1) There were so many twists, turns and surprises in this episode, I’m not sure where to start—except I just have to say I really appreciate there’s a show that doesn’t give two shits about killing off characters and keeping their audience guessing. It’s disorienting at times… but ultimately awesome.

2) So I totally thought Ben was gonna off himself, but it was so much better that evil skank girlfriend Hadyn did it for him.

3) And is it just me, or is the ghost of a stillborn baby waaaaaaaaaaaay creepier than any adult ghostie?

4) Anyway, with Ben now dead, and Viv no longer acting like an angry b-hole, the house can be re-occupied—by Los Spanish Harmons! En espanol! Overall, I liked Los Spanish Harmons (they like sex in the kitchen, I like sex in the kitchen), and it’s too bad Ben and Viv “Beetlejuiced” them into leaving. Oh, well! Put up the “for sale” sign again… for the billionth time.

5) By the way, if Jessica Lange doesn’t win a goddamn Emmy for this episode, there is no god. Wait… she should win regardless.

6) Another fave scene was the psychological chess match between Tate and Ben, where Tate was all “Boo-hoo-hoo, no one understands me for raping your wife” and Ben was all like, “Oh, shut up, crybaby—you raped my wife! But… I just can’t resist ya, you big galoot.”

7) Not a b-hole anymore Viv snakes the stillborn baby (AKA “noisy monster”… good name! Better than “Elsie” anyway) away from Mrs. Montgomery, and ding, dong, ding! The family is back together, everyone’s happy, and this is gonna be the best Christmas EVER, you guys!

8) Of course, Constance got away with the living baby and (title card!) THREE YEARS LATER, she’s going on and on about how awesome being a mommy is… except for the, you know, murdering the nanny and covering the kitchen with blood sort of thing. Oh, well… ANTICHRISTS WILL BE ANTICHRISTS.

9) I have no idea where season two is gonna go from here… and I can’t wait to find out! Any predictions from YOU, smartypants?

UPDATE: Here’s creator Ryan Murphy’s season finale exit interview!

Two things, mom: 1) This isnt finger paint, and 2) Ive been a baaaad widdle boy!
  • via FX
  • “Two things, mom: 1) This isn’t finger paint, and 2) I’ve been a baaaad widdle boy!”

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)

5 replies on “<i>American Horror Story</i> Chitty-Chat Club: Season Finale!”

  1. Although it wasn’t the sheer adrenalin rush of the past couple of episodes, last night’s AHS was pretty damn great. Here are some of my favorite bits:

    1) The new family’s ethnicity allowed the racist realtor make a racist statement because she’s such a racist. She better be back and as racist as ever next year. I was also glad to see the detectives back and hope we’ll being seeing a lot of them next year, because the hot detective is hot.

    2) When the new family moved in, the entire past season repeated itself in about fifteen minutes, except this time the family was smart enough to get the hell out. To me this indicated that next year the writers are going to take the show in a very different direction. I think the last scene indicated that the next season is going to be centered around Constance raising Tate Jr.

    3) The part where Larry’s wife tries to get Spanish Ben to burn himself creeped me out.

    4) I was surprised when Ben was murdered. I’d thought the writers would keep him alive and have him spend next season trying to raise Tate Jr in a house full of ghosts fighting over who gets the baby. I loved Constance’s reaction to finding his corpse, but I pretty much loved every scene with Constance this year. Jessica Lange’s performance on this show almost makes me want to watch Dino De Laurentis’ King Kong again. Almost.

    5) Brief appearance by the exterminator ghost!

    6) The Harmons finally find happiness and remember how much they love each other by dying horrible deaths, and end up celebrating the perfect dead Norman Rockwell Christmas! That’s so sweet.

    Now onto my gripe about the American Horror Story Chitty-Chat Club, which is that almost no one comments on these posts! This can mean only one this: most Blogtowners weren’t watch this show, despite the fact that THIS SHOW IS FREAKING AWESOME! So much better than the Walking Dead or Grimm or New Girl or Portlandia or the past season of Doctor Who or just about anything else you’re watching.

    AMC is bound to rerun it or release it on DVD before the next season premieres, so catch the fuck up.

  3. I like the idea of keeping each season compartmentalized (different story / different cast). I always thought “24” should have been done that way. It keeps the believability of the storyline(s). Plus if you lose interest in one season’s storyline you always can restart the next season without feeling like you have to catch up on the season you dumped.

  5. I hope next season is the demon-seed just punching Jessica Lange in the mouth every 5 minutes, every episode. That’d make up for a lot.

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