Hello hello, True Blood fans. I am glamoring you into clicking the jump so we can unpack this week’s episode. Is it working?
- “What do you mean Brit-pop is over?”
Ok, first thing’s fucking first: Bill and Lorena. WTF dude!??! That was some seriously disturbing shit! What else can I say? That must be having sex Mississippi-style. When in Jackson, Bill.
I should also note that I enjoyed another peek into Bill’s past. The only time True Blood out-geeks itself is when it gets all costume drama.
Second thing’s fucking second: werewolves. Each week the werewolf world is filling out more and more and I’m really enjoying the contrast between their style and the vampires’. The vamps are a little more gothic and date rape-y while the wolves are all totally completely straight bikers with that will-knowingly-give-you-herpes look. Even the decent werewolf we met this week falls pretty low on the ladder of attractive males on this show. Am I right ladies and dudes or were you digging the Brawny Man look?
At least he’s not gonna go after Sookie (yet). I thought the Eric/Sookie thing felt kind of forced this week, like they were just going through the motions. I also was still a little bored with Sam’s family drama. It’s kinda like a white trash Animorphs. I did enjoy Sam’s daddy with a platter full of multi-colored shots in front of him, though. Were those all for Sam’s prick of a little brother or was the party just starting?
Jessica and Hoyt are still apart, but Jessica’s bigger problem just got bigger with the addition of Tara’s junkie-chic, head-ventriloquist vampire lover. Yup that’s right, Eggs is still dead and Tara’s still alive. Alive and having mind-blowing sex with a strung out Wayne Coyne. That was some gross post-coital glow. Maybe when Tara becomes a vampire she’ll lighten up like Jessica did and stop being so pissy.
Oh yeah, and Jason wants to be a cop but without doing all the hard work. Meanwhile Andy Bellefleur must be head cop now that Bud inexplicably quit. Sad cuz you only get one or two lines every other episode, Bud?
Stray notes and quotes
Who is Arlene’s baby-daddy?
Lafayette works for Hoyt and Jason’s construction company?
I loved Hoyt’s non-response to Jason’s question to whether he’d rather be protected by himself or Andy.
I also loved Hoyt’s “HUNTING” shirt.
Werewolves drink Zima.
“Don’t ever get married, Sam. The second you do that’s when they start to woman ya.” HE’S RIGHT, YA KNOW!
“I’ve got a lot on my mind lately.” “That must feel new.”
“‘It’s not you, it’s me’? If I had a nickel for every time… I’d have fifteen cents!”
I think True Blood fans should do a shot whenever characters have a silly conversation catching up about things that happened episodes ago (example: Sookie: “You heard about the…?” Sam: “Yeah! Jesus Christ! Andy shot him?” I also think we should do a shot whenever there’s a strained scene that reminds us that Sookie and Tara are bestest friends (example: Awww, Sookie bought a grave for Eggs! Wake me when Pam’s blowing the Estonian girl again).
Last night I was DVRing the episode, and so was not watching it live. My friend did not know that, and he texted me “head turning sex!! lol!”, and I was way creeped out since I don’t want to know what he’s doing with his wife.
It wasn’t until I saw the episode did I realize my friend was not being creepy.
tja, uhcourse lafayette works for the road crew. don’t you remember in season one when he was complaining/celebrating that fact in relation to how it “gives him dis baawdy!”?
so help me god if it isn’t rené who made her preggers….! Terry just don’t deserve that.
Tara’s vampire sex was way more disturbing and gross then the head turning hate fucking at the end.
@mucho smoocho
Damn, your memory is better than mine. Lafayette’s a busy dude!
I’m definitely having trouble keeping track of this show’s timeline. In the True Blood universe how long ago was René put down?
I’m fairly sure Arlene’s baby daddy is Rene. Both seasons 1 and 2 didn’t take all that long in real time. 10 weeks sounds about right.
Tara’s sex scene was just kinda darkly funny, what with Franklin talking about fucking voids and shit. I’m like “heh heh he said void and he’s probably got his vampenis in her pooper” but then Bill puts Lorena on the bed and then the next thing you know he’s just fucking. Instafucking. It seems an innocuous, comical phrase until you see undead gentlemen performing the act while simultaneously twisting a woman’s head like the waist of a GI Joe action figure. And then you just sorta stop thinking and shudder a lot.
And Bill didn’t even UNZIP HIS FUCKING PANTS. He just vampire boned straight through them motherfuckers. Ughghrhghrhglblhb
Also: Don Swayze getting his wolf on in the club!
This ep gave me hope for the Andy and Jason buddy cop show. The twisted head hate fucking at the end though sucked all the joy out of my day and made me need a shower. I wish I could have seen the cast and crew when that scene was explained to them.
Also Bill’s sex noises are just weird.
So glad i dozed through the Head turning hate fuck scene. Although you know i’m gonna “on demand” that shit just for the sheer rubbernecking at the scene of the accident merit it has.
Sam and his long lost WT family is an odd diversion and I’m not sure it’s going to coalesce into anything interesting. I thought it would have been funny if his dick brother shifted into the bird figure and then shit all over his office.
@autumn
Yeah, the Sam thing totally feels like a spin-off in the works. I WISH his brother had shit all over his office. That would have been much funnier than whatever mysterious seeds they’re planting.
@Fatboy
I was wondering if I was the only one who noticed that Bill just boned her right through his pants. I almost questioned whether they were even actually fucking, but… that head 180 was pretty serious, so I figure, penetration or not, there was something serious going on down there.
Sam has been frustrating since season 1. He went from the “nice guy” role to a being a mopey pussy. The dude can change into animals and runs a succesfull business but all he does is whine about how he’s all alone. Seriously, he needs to grow a pair.
Here’s what I want to know — has Bill ever thought to maybe grab a wooden stake and stab Lorena through her vampire heart? I mean, sure, twirling her head around a few times probably looks awesome from the driver’s seat, but a broken off piece of bed post would do more than a million thrown lanterns or twisted heads. Does he really hate her or does he just love hating her?
Oh well. At least he’s not yelling “Sookie” in high melodrama voice every five minutes. That was getting old last season.
1. Not enough Bill- I’m starting to go through withdrawal from his abs.
2. I think Alcide is delicious, thank you very much.
3. Both sex scenes were highly disturbing. Yuck yuck yuck.
4. I am also finding the Sam -family storyline very boring.
5. I had hoped Eggs was going to become a werewolf. He had the look of one. Incidentally, where are all the black vampires & werewolves?