For those who love to hate-watch TV movies, here’s a potential winner: a new Flowers in the Attic adaptation starring Kiernan Shipka (Sally Draper from Mad Men!), Heather Graham, and Ellen Burnstyn as a not very nice grandma! It debuts January 18 on Lifetime at 8 pm, and like the classic creepy teen novel, you can expect a sizable amount of trapping children in trunks, face slapping, ego destruction, and… don’t worry, incest fans… INCEST. Check out the (perhaps unintentionally campy?) extended trailer!

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)