Here are five short (but illuminating!) teasers for the incredibly difficult to type Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.—debuting Tuesday, Sept 24 on ABC at 8 pm. [Note to Joss Whedon: Will you be mad if I stop typing all those periods when I write about your show? It’s really annoying. Also, please put all your short teasers in ONE video, so I don’t have to watch a terrible Jack-in-the-Box commercial five times. YouTube can handle it, I think. Yer pal, Wm.™ Steven Humphrey]
The other four after the jump!

You should totally change the paper’s name to “The Portland M.E.R.C.U.R.Y.” (Menacingly Eccentric, Radically Capricious—Uh, Right? Yo.)
Portland M.E.R.C.U.R.Y.
Madness Engaged Rose City Unit of Retired Youth
I drank a bottle of Charles Shaw Cabernet, and now it’s clear that it stands for:
Moonies Eat Rasta Cannabis, Underwear Recycled Yesterday
HA!!! Love it.