While some of you claim that our near-constant coverage of the coming devastating earthquake is too panicky—I THINK IT’S NOT PANICKY ENOUGH. Because now, not only do we have to worry about a quake destroying our city, that same earthquake could release thousands of HUMONGOUS ANGRY SPIDERS. At least that’s what happened in Louisiana, according to the new Syfy movie Arachnoquake debuting on June 23, starring Tracey Gold, Someone Who Looks Like Jim Carrey, and fat Edward Furlong. Show those goddamn spiders how you do things in the bayou, boys!
Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.) More by Wm. Steven Humphrey
Whoa. Fat Eddie Furlong is right. Also, I love that they keep making these movies.
yay. it’s neelix and john conner
Shatner should’ve at least had a cameo.
He’s like Christian Bale, he gained the weight for this role. He’ll be totally ripped by the time Mega Sharksplosion begins production.