Hey everybody. I’d like to take just a minute to “rap” with our YOUNGER Blogtown readers. Yo, kids. Are you currently in PUBERTY? Well, I bet you’re pretty nervous aren’t you? And you should be nervous—because it’s horrifying. Blood squirts out of your vagina, and without warning your penis extends up to 25 times its normal size. Then there’s the hair. UGH!! So ugly. You kind of feel… like a “monster,” don’t you? Well, you ARE a monster. A perfectly “normal” monster. A monster that’s going to eventually grow up into an awesomely cool guy like me. Still nervous? Check out this totally tubular instructional video that is guaranteed to reduce your shame by 37 percent. Just don’t bleed on me, okay? It’s gross.

Hat tips to Everything is Terrible!

https://youtube.com/watch?v=97u5CKKWCi4%26hl%3Den%26fs%3D1

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)

2 replies on “Puberty: Life’s Beautiful Mystery!”

  1. “Steve too” didn’t have any hair on his chest either because he had a gay porn shoot earlier that day.

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