MUSIC--Tonight, Meow Meow throws down one of the best NXNW showcases of all time. Start with the solo beauty of Jenny Toomey and Franklin Bruno, and end with the mindfucking Tristeza and Gogogo Airheart. Click your heels, close your eyes, and gnaw on some all-ages Red Vines. JS
Meow Meow, 527 SE Pine, 230-2111, 8 pm, wristband or $16


3-D PORNO--Looking for some eye-poppin' porn? Then don't miss the hilarity of the 1977 skin-flick HARD CANDY filmed in glorious 3-D! Starring the super-endowed "Johnny Wadd" Holmes and the aptly named Lollipop girls, Hard Candy is like Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory...with blowjobs! WSH
Cinema 21, 616 NW 21st, 223-4515, Midnight show, Adults only, $6

MUSIC--Jets to Brazil gathers up high-brow lyrics, a good deal of punk's remaining spunk, remnants of some of the West Coast's best emo bands, and about enough brainpower to fuel a mid-size city. PB Pine Street Theater, 215 SE 9th Ave, 232-7861, 8:30 pm, $10 advance


PUPPETS--Did Punch & Judy freak you out as a kid? Let Dewey Mahood and genius, unsung artist Conor McCann tempt your dark and naughty soul with their macabre puppet show and illustrated book The Unspeakable Cog. Live bass by Jude Webre! JS Reading Frenzy, 921 Oak, 274-1449, 7 pm, free

MUSIC--Portland's loveliest independent film collective--the Charm Bracelet--will frolic with some of Portland's equally lovely and sincere bands--The Prids, Beds, Holy Sons, DJ Anthony V., and 31 Knots, making for a lovely, lovely night of kick-ass music. KD Medicine Hat, 1834 NE Alberta St, 778-7700, 8:30-5 am, $6


BLOCK PARTY--Adios, corporate clowns. The odd collection of small store-owners around Oak Street--a couple of restaurants, a few record stores, the city's hippest book store--say goodbye to their only corporate neighbor (we won't even bother to tell you the name!) with a block party. Fortune tellers, a roller-skating rabbit and, at Billy Galaxy, Atari games all day. PB
1st Annual Oak Street Block Party, triangle block of 10th and Oak, noon-6 pm

FUCK BY FUCKOFF--It's time to say "good riddance!" to another mind-numbing NXNW, and what better way than with Barfly's Fuck By Fuckoff featuring Seantos Y Arachna, The Real Pills, Wasabi, The Stan McMahon Band, The Nearly Deads, The Holy Sons, and Lodestar! Not only will there be free food, but you can also witness (and perhaps WIN) one of the first annual Barfly Awards! WSH Ash Street Saloon, 225 SW Ash, 226-0430, 8 pm, $2


RADIO--Whether it's the guy who thinks ducks are purposefully trying to kill us for inventing airplanes, or the family who wants to pay Jerry Lewis $500,000 to take his silly telethon on the airwaves, Phil Brown has scoured the earth to find the country's biggest kooks and crackpot theories. Minutiae has never been so entertaining (or hilarious). JS
Phil Brown Show, 620 AM, Weekdays, 4 pm


READING--Independently published out of Portland, Meat Won't Pay My Light Bill by Kurt Eisenlohr is a sweet novel about a heart-broken, drunken, working-class man searching for meaning. Hey, you're not alone! KD
Powells' on Hawthorne, 3723 SE Hawthorne Blvd, 7:30 pm, Free

TELEVISION--Drop everything and put that ass on the couch, 'cause tonight is the season premiere of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Miss B is in trouble deep when she comes face to fang with the grandpappy of all vampires, Dracula. Naturally, this updated version of Drac is sexy as all get-out, and has a taste for blood and booty! WSH Buffy the Vampire Slayer, The WB, 8 pm


THEATER--For those looking for a darkly-comic romance,complete with creepy characters and a murderous undertone (set in Ireland of all places), don't miss the extremely well-acted The Beauty Queen of Leenane now playing at the ART. WSH
Artists Repertory Theatre, 1516 SW Alder, 241-1278, 7 pm, $13.50