THURSDAY, April 17

CURE TRIBUTE--Show me, show me, show me how you do that trick, the one that makes me buy for even a second that anyone under the age of 60 didn't at one time like at least one Cure song. Relive all the hits (and hopefully some of the earlier, murkier, gothier songs, too) live! MS
Various bands; Meow Meow, 527 SE Pine, 230-2111, 9 pm, $5

FRIDAY, April 18

BAR BATTLES--Mark my goddamn words! Emcee battles are gonna break bigger than karaoke, and if you don't believe it, check the excitement at this week's Bar Battles. Hosted by DeeJay Zig Zag, contestants will be throwing down and $100 will go to the best of the best emcee, Bboy, and DJ. (Besides, if I have to hear one more drunk warble "When Doves Cry," I'll jam a pencil in my eye.) WSH
Berbati's, 231 SW Ankeny, 248-4579, Battle signup at 9 pm, $8

ROCK--The Dwarves are notorious for many things: Drug addiction, 15-minute shows that involve sex and cutting, and for staging a hoax, claiming that the guitarist had died. They even went so far as to write a tribute song for him. Of course, all this folklore only adds to the joy of seeing their beer-soaked garage punk live. You best go now, because who knows how long the resurrection will last. KS
w/Motorhead, High on Fire; Roseland, 8 NW 6th, 1-800-325-SEAT, 8 pm, $20

SATURDAY, April 19

HO BAGS--Put that nasty little sense of irony to fun purpose for once, and come down to bust a few moves to the sleazy, slutty, pseudo chick rap of Gravy Train. And if you're worried you won't know anyone, check out hometown ho bag DJ Steezy Nix and don't be hella, hella nervous! MS
w/100s of Dismembered Handbags & Half Seas Over; Blackbird, 3728 NE Sandy, 282-9949, 10 pm, $6

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO POND?--As Goldcard, ex-Pond singer Charlie Campbell writes freakishly good, Quasi-psychedelic pop music. Equally freakish: he is a recluse of Jandek proportions, and will spend five hours signing CDs inside a box at Jackpot. Don't worry... there is a slot in the box, so Charlie can breathe. Also, you can probably talk to him through the slot. But don't try to look at him, for God's sakes. JS
Jackpot, 203 SW 9th, 222-0990, noon-5 pm, free

BAND--Hear ye, hear ye! I shalt now decree that all band names with the words "corpse" or "fuck" or a combination of those therein, are thus... the BEST EVER! And so Corpsefuckscorpse achieves the rare distinction of being the band with the best name ever, that also plays incredible music: upbeat, twisted, thrashety thrash thrash, which hopefully you were expecting. JWS
w/The Planet The, Experimental Dental School, Formless; Satyricon, 125 NW 6th, 243-2380, 9 pm, $6

SUNDAY, April 20

QUEER NIGHT--One thing this town can always use more of is tight pants and queer nights, so get yer motor running for the newest homo-riffic weekly extravaganza at Level. Tonight features tons of drink/ sushi specials and go-go dancers, but you can also expect the spinny stylings of DJs Tronic and Stormy, and hotsy-totsy firedancing sure to make yer juicy bits wriggle like an electric eel. WSH
Level, 13 NW 6th, 223-5874, 8pm, $3

MONDAY, April 21

MUSIC--Why am I obsessed with The Kills, you ask? How about because they sound like a detoxing Royal Trux set to drum machine beats? Or maybe because their music easily destroys the Elephant-sized hype generated by a certain color-coordinated Detroit faux-blues duo. Prepare for this UK couple to stagger and yelp out some of the nastiest blues/rock your virgin ears have ever heard. You'll love it. CM
w/Exploding Hearts, The Formless; Dante's, 1 SW 3rd, 226-6630, 9 pm, $8

TUESDAY, April 22

FILM--So witty. So, so pretty! The greatest musical ever: West Side Story, the finger-snapping, heart-twisting musical that pits love against anger. As two rival gangs square off, the Jets' leader, Tony, falls deeply in love with Natalie Wood... but what's that? She's the rival gang leader's sister? Sounds like trouble! PB
Hollywood Theater, 4122 NE Sandy, 281-4215, See film times page 39, $5


BUTTSEX 101--If you're anything like me, there's always more you want to know about anal sex. I mean it's so scary, so mysterious, so... un-Christian. Find out the when, where, and how of anal sex in the comfort of a classroom, thus sparing yourself the discomfort of home schooling. KS
It's My Pleasure, 3106 NE 64th, 280-8080 (call to pre-register), 7 pm, $10

CRY BABY--Losing your shit over Cat Power is a bit played, but can you find anyone else with a voice like that? Yeah that's what I thought. Plus, now Chan Marshall (This just in: Cat Power is not her real name) has seemed to have gotten over that "thing" were she goes nuts, bursts into tears, and runs off the stage every night. CM
Roseland, 8 NW 6th, 224-2038,
9 pm, all ages, $15