Rebels in Jean Shorts Hunt for Qaddafi: I know this is not the time to point out that Libyan rebels tend to dress like Portland hipsters (with machine guns), but there's not really any update on the war news. They're still searching for Qaddafi at his compound.
But Look What they Did Find! Qaddafi had a giant photo album of photos of Condi Rice! Curious.
Buffet's $5 Billion Bank Deposit: America's Favorite BillionareTM Warren Buffett decided to invest some of his pittance in Bank of America.
The Los Angeles River: This summer, actually a river!
Scare of the Week Hurricane Irene is nearing the East Coast. Can the earthquake-battered East take the hit?
Impeach Bush!!! Oh, Wait. A little too late, but news has emerged that Dick Cheney really wanted us to bomb Syria.
Facebook? You Can't Handle the Facebook! The British government promises it won't shut down social media during crises like it did during the riots.
Who's the Next Steve Jobs? Apple's turtlenecked chief is stepping down. Who will replace him in out hearts?
Animals Win Again: Washington DC's zoo animals predicted the earthquake because they're better than us.
Portland Exporting Gay Men to NYC: The local gay men's chorus will perform an anti-war song at the 9/11 memorial. That's pretty awesome.