- Don’t look at me like that. I put you on this planet, I’ll take you off. And it don’t matter to me because Moffat will go get me another one just like you.
The internet lit up a couple days ago when pictures of The Doctor and his new companion showed up online. People oohed over his natty new threads. People aahed at how adorbs Jenna-Louise Coleman continues to be. Some people told the other people that the term “adorbs” makes them sound like slapdick assholes. Those people responded with requests to “totes fuck yourselves,” but common ground was eventually reached when people on both sides of of the slangtinental divide agreed that no matter how much of a mon-chi-chi this Selena Gomez lookalike might be, she has to be a better companion than Rose Tyler.
Which of course, got me to thinking. “Huh,” I thought, “I’m certain that somewhere on the internet, someone has actually compiled a list of the 10 best companions the Doctor has had since Russell T. Davies helped bring the old man back to prominence in 2005. I’m almost doubly certain that those lists are wrong, because I didn’t write them.”
AND SO:
10) Martha Jones
It’s not that her main characteristic was “useless pining,” it’s that I can’t remember a single thing she did besides moon over the Doctor and pout about his relationship with Rose. I just sat here for five straight minutes trying to remember anything of worth, and I remembered that she carried a big ass gun once, but I think that was in Torchwood, not Doctor Who, and then I realized I’d just wasted five minutes thinking about Martha Jones, and I got mad at myself.
9) Astrid Peth
Gets the nod over Martha, despite being a one-off, because she at least did something, which was sacrificing her own life to save The Doctor’s. Voyage of the Damned shouldn’t have worked. But it did, in no small part due to Kylie Minogue’s performance. I can’t think of a single episode of Doctor Who that ever worked because of Martha Jones, so there you go: Astrid Peth at number nine.
8) Rose Tyler
She wasn’t a bad companion. She just unfortunately became the means by which Russell T. Davies would frequently indulge some of his worst, hypersentimental, cloying tendencies. Many judge her the worst, but I think that’s a little unfair; While Rose with the Tenth Doctor seemed less a character and more an instrument made of concentrated saccharine and tears, Rose with the Ninth was fun as hell, and when Eccleston looked at her, grinned and told her “Rose Tyler. You were fantastic,” you believed him.
7) Mickey Smith
Mickey gets the nod over Rose because Mickey put up with all of her shit and somehow never descended into a murderous rage. Plus he proved to be a pretty fun foil for the Doctor in his own right. Sometimes the Doctor needs a punching bag, and Noel Clarke taking a shot or two right in the pride is always entertaining.
6) Craig Owens
The father of Stormageddon only has two episodes of companioning to his credit, but he provides enough charm and goodwill in those two episodes to vault into sixth place. Of all the characters Moffat has written in his run, Craig might be the most genuinely good as a person. His dynamic with the Doctor is so unique compared to the other companions, their interactions so rewarding, that many people were pulling for Craig to get the nod as the new full-time companion. Except to do so, he’d have to either a) abandon his family like that asshole Richard Dreyfuss in Close Encounters of the Third Kind, or b) take his family, including little Stormageddon, into a interstellar Police Box wherein they will be introduced to all manner of death, destruction, horror, and despair.
5) Amy Pond
The Girl Who Waited was once vying for the top spot on this list. She didn’t take the Doctor’s crap, she watched for the blind spots the Doctor never checked, and spent much of her time on the TARDIS as the Doctor’s equal. Not love interest, not object of condescension; equal. So why does she stall out at #5? Because as her tenure went on, she became kind of a mean-spirited, selfish dick, specifically towards…
4) Rory Williams
The Boy Who Waited, and Mr. Amy Pond. Essentially, he is all of the positives of Amy Pond, made into a completely separate person, except less selfish and capricious. He’s not as smart, he’s not as quick, but the loyalty Rory displays is honestly affecting, the moments he is given do not feel forced or falsified in the ways that tripped up Rose or Amy. Mrs. Pond may have been the only person in the world special enough to recreate the universe, but Rory is the person she did it for.
3) Jack Harkness
Come on. I don’t even have to say a fuckin word. Look at that beautiful, omnisexual Han Solo. Unf.
2) Wilfred Mott
I know, he’s only really a companion for one episode. I know he also, technically, causes the Doctor’s death. Being that he’s a one-off who puts into motion one of the most melodramatically tortured, plodding endings the series has ever seen, how the hell do I justify Wilf going in at #2?
That’s how. Which brings us to the best companion the Doctor’s ever had, maybe even the best companion, period:
1) Donna Noble
Such a good character that many episodes consisted of me yelling at the screen for the Doctor to shut up so Donna could fix things. I’m not sure there’s ever been a companion who was the Doctor’s equal in almost every way, who commanded just as much attention onscreen as he did. Her series may not be the best overall since 2005, but when it was great (and it often was) it was largely because she was great in it.
I mostly agree. (Except I have always been a post-series 1 Rose hater.)
You couldn’t remember anything Martha did? Not even in the last episode of series 3?
I think Rita from “The God Complex” should at least get an honorable mention. In my parallel universe, she became the Doctor’s companion for at least 8 episodes.
WHERE THE FUCK IS K9?
CONFIDENTIAL TO BOBBY: I FULLY APPROVE OF THIS LIST STYLE WITH WORDS AND STUFF.
I always feel like I’m in bizzarro world when folks gush about Donna Noble…I hated her.
Medda: Nope. Don’t remember it. Completely slid off my brain.
Although I’m pretty sure the scene I’m remembering, where she’s jogging around with a big-ass gun, is from the super-extended Doctor Farewell Tour from the End of Time, where her and Mickey are doing action hero stuffs.
To address the lack of both Sarah Jane Smith and River Song: I don’t recall Sarah Jane actually being a companion in the new series. I know the Doctor shows up at her school, and I know she pops up at the end Series 3, (I remember HER more than I remember Martha in those last episodes) but I don’t think she ever goes traveling with him again, or is a primary component of his adventures. If anything, she’s Rose’s companion in her episode from Series 2.
River Song I just don’t consider a companion, period. She’s too much her own thing, and has no problems getting around and doing stuff without the Doctor’s help. They cross paths, yes, and do so very frequently in Series 5 and 6, but I don’t consider her a companion.
Also, I recognize that many of the people who occupy higher spots on this list have relatively short runs as companion. Which could be considered “unfair,” in that they didn’t get a chance to decline like Rose & Amy did. But that doesn’t make their effectiveness as characters any less, for me.
Correction: Sarah Jane pops up at the end of Series 4, not 3. And she actually helps fly the TARDIS in that episode. So I can see the argument that she should bump Astrid Peth down to 10, and assume the #9 spot.
Captain Jack = COTYAY
Donna Noble = annoying and shrill fishwife
Martha totally wandered the Dalek-conquered Earth for a whole year just to inspire people. And she was kind of badass when she first showed up and was more medical-doctory. But on the whole, pretty mediocre in between.
Personally, I’d bump Rory up even higher for the sheer amount of hell he’s had to put up with along the way– all the waiting, and dying, and getting erased from existence– without ever getting to be immortal or part-Timelord or any of those other fun perks.
If we’re including short-timers on the list, I’d say a strong case could be made for Canton “Badger” Delaware: http://tardis.wikia.com/wiki/Canton_Delawa…
Captain Jack is my favorite. Which is both why I love and hate Torchwood. Talk about a series that has Jane Espenson’s depressing ass stamped all over it (even when she didn’t write for it). Show is more depressing than Buffy S5-7.
Children of Earth might be the best thing Russell T. Davies has ever been involved in.
Miracle Day never happened.
Donna Noble is my queen.
But Martha is a BAMF and that you’ve placed her at #10 makes this whole list completely insane and wrong.
Children of Earth was alright. But I missed having the supporting characters from Torchwood. And they killed Mr. Sexy Pants.
Joneser, is Martha your Brother from Another Mother, or am I reading acronym wrong?
Buffy seasons 5-7 were my favorite seasons. NO YOU SHUT UP.
Martha was a lousy companion but was a lot more interesting as a secondary character afterwards.
I don’t think it’s fair to write off River Song, but include Jack Harkness. If anything, River was the doctor’s ultimate companion.
Not sure I’d put her at 1, but Donna was a welcome change of pace as a companion, especially since she’s the only one that didn’t really have any sexual tension with the doctor. It’s a shame she’s the worst thing to happen to The Office, which speaks volumes. She didn’t ruin the show (far too late for that) but man is she terrible.
Hey, isn’t it time for another 76 hours straight of Top Gear?
Thank you for not putting River ‘Super Mary-Sue’ Song into this list. She is simply the worst idea to hit Dr. Who since Dodo. Okay, maybe Kamelon.
I’d probably rank Rose a little higher, but I really can’t argue with the top four… nailed it.
Although my favorite two episodes include Donna, Silence of the Library two part, I never liked Donna. She really annoyed me and I actually thought that she wasn’t too cool.
I really liked Rose because her relationship with the Doctor was so special and great to watch, plus she did help keep the Doctor’s head on straight and when the Doctor was down in the Abyss in the Impossible Planet episodes she organized everybody. Rose may not have had applicable skills but she could be a leader when necessary.
Then Martha definitely deserves more than #10! She helped bring everybody together to save the Doctor when he was imprisoned and seemingly doomed. She wandered a barren Earth for a whole year spreading the word of the Doctor and really saves the day. She was really an awesome companion.
I’ve always been on the line about Amy though, so I do agree with her placement.
Really? You can’t think of anything Martha Jones has done? Her performance in Human Nature and Family of Blood, as well as the final episodes of that series were arguably the best of any companion. In fact, when you include Blink, she’s been present for the best episodes in Doctor Who history.
And this is from someone that loves the last two series (and Amy) the best.
Don’t recognize most of the people on the list…
Loved Christopher Eccleston!
Watched two of the David Tennant episodes and haven’t watched one since. Have they started hiring people who can act once again?