You fucking piece of shit man-whore! Since we’ve been roommates, I've not only had to suffer through countless nights of your Mike Patton tributes- didn’t anyone ever tell you it’s only cool for a girl to be a screamer? -I’ve also had to share my living space with some true fucking champions of skank. Remember that forty-something panther with the flapjacks you picked up in the Kmart parking lot? Nothing I like more than waking up hungover to find some grinning snaggletooth wandering around my kitchen, remnants of your duck butter glistening in her nasty fucking post-menopausal ‘stache. What the fuck?! And that poly hippie chick whose nappy-ass boyfriend you let crash on our couch while you were fucking her? Hmmm… why'd we all have crabs two days later? Fucking moron. But now I’m leaving this carnal cesspool and I hope you drown in your own putrid fucking semen. Remember our trip to Seattle last month? Remember how I had to piss so badly and you wouldn’t stop the fucking car because you were in a hurry to meet up with some internet ho, but you were so kind as to pass me your empty Yoo-Hoo bottle? How thoughtful of you, you fucking winner. Guess what? My doctor told me today I have fucking herpes! And don’t try and tell me it wasn’t you, you Valtrex-popping motherfucker! Now I’ll remember you for all eternity, you fucking douchebag. But wait, there’s more. Remember when your sister came over last weekend and you were out “sarging” with your fellow man-whores? Oh yes I did.
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