This Week in the Mercury


Monday, September 19, 2011

Gym Rant

Posted by Anonymous on Mon, Sep 19, 2011 at 4:46 PM

As a society we learn different things from different people along the way. Over the last few years I have come to realize that it is our grandparents that that influence us the most, at an early age, in the realm of manners, etiquette, and all-around nicely-ness. I firmly believe that if we had all paid more attention to them when we should have the world would be a better place.

That being said I would like to urn the specter of my grandmother’s eye to some glaring breaches I have noticed as of late at my gym:

1) Ladies: Your home, the truck of your car, or a locker in the locker room, are all far more convenient places to leave your purse. There is absolutely no reason, in all of creation, that you need to schlep your big bag of jangly bits and pieces from the stair machine, to the tread mill, to the elliptical machine.

2) Gentlemen: Its not that hot in here. You will not spontaneously combust. You really should leave your shirt on until you get all the way into the locker room. Do you know how much sweat you just flung onto people as you walked by them peeling off your shirt with that much flourish? Neither do I. But from the looks on their faces it was 100% more than they were expecting.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: This rant continues after the jump.]

3) Ladies: I can accept the notion that you and your bestie need to talk about the fact that your other bestie found out that her husband has been cheating on her;

“You know who with?”

“No. Who?”

“That skank down at the bank.”

“The one with the big fake boobs?”

“No. The other one. Are those fake? Really?”

“Oh yeah. Totally.”

“I hate her.”

“Which one?”

“What?”

But I digress. Please find two machines to use that are next to one another. The rest of us really don’t care. Really.

4) Gentlemen: I’m not sure how you and your friends manage to confuse the nautilus machines with the store front of a mini-mart. Suffice it to say that we’d all really appreciate it if you found some place else to lean while you and your bros jabber on about what ever it is you want us to think you are talking about while surreptitiously ogling the hot chick in the corner trying to stretch out her ham-strings. No, you’re not fooling anyone, we all know you’re staring, even her. For the record I am sounding like a jerk on purpose when I ask if I can please use your leaning post to exercise with.

5) Lastly:

The guy who doesn’t wipe down the equipment after he’s done is awfully rude. Hello! Those spray bottles and towels are kind of everywhere! Slob.

However, the guy who acts like someone just farted in his mouth when he sees someone leave their own juices behind is actually worse. We all saw it happen. Keep your indignation to your self please.

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