Rant about drivers in the Portland metropolitan area and their snow driving skills. Hint that they may all be from a state south. Rant against drivers from states that get real snow and brag about their skills.
Rant against slow trimet buses and trimet's silence about bus lines that go over the hill. Marvel at the alleged intelligence of cyclists.
Rant about local weathermen always being wrong.
Make pithy comment about snow panic.
Close with something snarky.