So that whole “getting busted for the naked chick tied up in your car” thing got a little more media coverage than you expected, huh? Your neighbors are pretty amused about that. You know, we’ve been tolerant of you and the constant outside nudity and the megaphone you use to call attention to it; we’ve been nice about the explosions; nobody called the cops on you for the 3am bike olympics and tshirt-gun firing in your backyard; we’ve looked the other way about debris, the junked car, the panel truck parked on the street, and the snotty fucking attitudes you sling around. Maybe, now that it’s apparent that the rest of the world thinks you’re irritating cartoony exhibitionists, you could repay the neighborhood’s tolerance by being quiet when the rest of us are sleeping, jerks. A couple of us have actual jobs to get to in the mornings. Also it wouldn’t kill you to say hello back. You are clearly not cooler than anybody else. Love, your neighbors, every single one of us.

26 replies on “Dear Suddenly Infamous Neighbors:”

  3. How is it apparent what “the rest of the world” thinks of them? And I doubt all the neighbors wrote this by committee. You seem uptight, prone to heavy exaggeration if not outright lying, and probably deep envy.

  4. No, I’ve lived next door to people who…how to put this…think that their “art” has more meaning that it actually does, and let me tell you: they almost never understand people with day jobs.

  5. HA! And to think – not a single dreadlock, piercing, nor visible tattoo. No obvious indication that they’re “occupiers”, activists, post-modern hippies, street clowns, nor live in an art-centric home. THEY DON’T EVEN APPEAR TO BE HIPSTERS! Just two plain ‘ol regular vanilla-looking, kinda Greshamy-looking White people.

    CAN WE PLEASE STOP JUDGING FOLKS BASED ON HOW THE FUCK THEY LOOK, NOW?!

  7. Now that my bar-name meme has petered out I’m too depressed to come up with a witticism. I’m going to go search the 1880 census instead.

  10. @3….My God, it is amazing how you can pick up on that! Do you know Anon, or said neighbors? Or is this more of your “I am an expert on all matters, I am far more intelligent than you, and because I am a lonely cynical fuck, allow me to point out your perceived inadequacies horseshit” “Deep envy”? of what? Asshole behavior? How self centered and self entitled of you. Anyway, enough of your lame ass. Anon, why do care if they interact with you as long as they are not irritating you? You don’t have to like everyone. Do you really want to get to know these people or do you just dislike their act? I suggest you (and your neighbors) be proactive as opposed to writing an IA

  12. @10: Your irate, butthurt routine is almost never interesting, so I’m going to stop reading it. Pester someone else, kay?

    Also: NoPo NoPo NoPo NoPo NoPo NoPo NoPo NoPo NoPo NoPo NoPo NoPo NoPo NoPo NoPo NoPo NoPo NoPo NoPo NoPo NoPo NoPo NoPo NoPo NoPo NoPo NoPo NoPo NoPo NoPo NoPo NoPo and now I’m gonna go work on my art and then go to band practice, ’cause I’m in a fuckin’ band, man,

  15. People in Portland think that being “tolerant” means not pointing out when someone is being a gigantic asshole.

    Say it out loud: They’re not “keeping Portland weird”. They are being assholes.

    I give you permission, liberal Portland, to admit that fact to yourselves without shame. You are empowered to tell people like this to shut the fuck up.

  17. “You mean the way you just did about people in Gresham?”

    I set my pocket watch to the precise predictability of someone picking up on that. Didn’t take long at all for someone to take the bait, ha! Only thing is, i figured it would’ve been Geo instead of you.

  19. I am also one of the neighbors of these people and I agree with what he says completely! They need to learn to be a little more respectful.

  20. The whole “the rest of the world now agrees with me that such-and-such” attitude here was irksome, but I’ll acknowledge that maybe the neighbors’ complaints here are all accurate and valid. It just sounded quite hard to believe: “constant nudity and the megaphone you use to call attention to it” — that doesn’t even make sense to me, but I guess it’s possible that no exaggeration is involved. “3am bike olympics” — also unclear what the exact behavior is. If they’re being loud on a nightly basis, it seems like talking to them, and, failing that, noise complaints would be the simplest course of action. Especially if the entire neighborhood (and the rest of the world” now) is in agreement about the situation.

  21. what the rat fuck is this person talking about? who wouldn’t enjoy some 3am bike olympics? i think the phrase IA forgot to include was “thank you”

  22. @20, that is more or less what I posted, minus your childish rant. Nice 180 by the way. Do you typically contradict yourself, or are you just unaware of the garbage you post?

  24. The complaints are goofy and seem fakey. Translating this I,A, to a coherent rant, I guess if the neighbors too are “lively” or just don’t care about casual random noise or whatever is alright.

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