We’re training. YES! We love training. Every Saturday morning we train so fucking hard. We’re unclogging our arteries by clogging the esplanade. Yeah we hear the polite, persistent ding of your bicycle bell, but we can’t be bothered, we have fucking water bottles strapped to our hands! Besides we move quick; I mean we’re all running! Ok, maybe not running, or even jogging, but it’s definitely not walking. Our heavy plodding, and sweating will someday take us 26 miles! We’re training!
Oh, wow. That was awesome training. I think I’ll quicken my pace so that I can get to the cafÉ before everyone else. Oops, I dripped on the floor. “Excuse me, sir, I just dripped on your floor, you might want to mop that up, there are 30 more wet florescent people coming right behind me”
“I’ll have two chocolate croissants and a large mocha, it’s ok I’m training for a marathon. Oh, don’t mind those blood spots on my shirt, those are just my nipples. WE’RE TRAINING!!!”
Oh my god, its hawt in here. I gotta lose a layer. “Hey guys in case you want don’t want to walk around in your sweat blanket you can hang it up here, with these nice, dry jackets. I’m sure these non-training people in here won’t mind a little sweat on their garments.”
Uh-oh my armpits smell like hot garbage. I’d better go blend in with my loud, salty brethren. I feel sorry for all these people in here wasting their lives typing on their computers with annoyed looks on their faces.
I 110% approve of this I,A.
Sounds like a fucking Portlandia episode…or should be…
What you don’t understand is that once they complete the marathon they will NEVER DIE. ever.
I’m gonna echo Arenit: best I, A in quite awhile. And Jake? “dodge all the Lance and Livestrongs” — FUCKIN’ HILARIOUS!! I’ve adopted this into my vocabulary instantly.
So there isn’t enough space for you and the runners? And your politely dinging bicycle bell is ineffective at moving them out of the way? How terrible. What a tragedy, worth the effort typing
Making fun of Lance on the esplanade = legit
@ sagging it’s hardly a tragedy that the various running clubs create weekly blockades on our recreational paths, it’s just annoying and slightly dangerous. I do think the congratulatory-orgy of sweaty, smelly and often bloody people camping out in a café right after a 20 mile run is plain disgusting and well worth the typing.
again, my theme: if you are annoyed by another person using public space, and suggest that running clubs are a legitimate menace (“dangerous”), that’s your problem. Not theirs.
I don’t belong to any such running/training/wanking club, and I assume they will move out of the way for me when walking. If they don’t, fuck them, but that’s an individualized “fuck you” and not generalizable. And I would rather sit near a sweaty runner at a cafe than some fat reeking smoker with massive pale cankles. But I like it here, so I sit near either, enjoy myself, and mind my own business.
This polite bell-ringing IA who can’t spell has mastered the art of spineless, soulless bitching. Yeah, it’s hardly a tragedy at all, you’re right. Be annoyed. It doesn’t make any difference at all.
ConflicArtist It wouldn’t be a Portlandia episode because the makers of Portlandia have no clue as to what is actually funny about Portland.