I know it was you who called the City on me, several times. It had to be you, because when the inspector told me what he saw, he could have only seen it from your backyard. I also know you called to cops to report the parties I have and told them lies about drug use. And I know that you have spread rumors about me around the block, because I see the ‘looks’ now. You’re a nosey person, and I do not like you. In an attempt to retaliate, I made up up complaints about you to the City and Police, but none panned out because, well, they were made up. So there I was, thinking about how to get back at you and it finally hit me. The block we live on has a high homeless population and I decided to take advantage of that fact. One night, not too long ago, it was I who took that shit on your garage door. I did prepare myself for this event, all day long, by eating an assortment of crappy food. Oh boy, did my choice of poor cuisine pay off big time. The load I dropped on your door, the spray that ensued, was a thing of beauty. What was even more beautiful was watching you clean it up, with that disgusted look on your face, like you were on the verge of puking. I relive that image daily, and it makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. I’m crazy, I know, but you’re a fucking petty person who got what they deserved. Watch your step… literally, watch your step. *wink, wink*

14 replies on “It Was I”

  3. It sounds to me like to two of you deserve each other. I hope nothing improves, and that your pointless feud goes on forever. Please keep writing about it here as well.

    Oh, and can you see if your neighbor would be willing to tell us their side? I’ll bet that’s an interesting read.

  4. If you’ve seen the ‘looks’ you know they’re ALL in on the conspiracy. With the help of Taco Time, I’m sure that you can set things right.

  5. Sat down at the old computer, expecting yet another of the increasingly lame and forced IA’s of late, and then I read this. VERY nice undertone of crazy with a dollop of irrational venom. My faith is restored.

  10. I’ve never read anything so sick in my life. I can’t believe this person actually lives in this town. I’m all scared now.

  11. Making a false report to the police (“Initialing a False Report”) is a crime. Consider the fact that a police officer could have been out patriolling the neighborhood, instead of listening to you lie. Shtting on you neighbor’s porch is a crime (Criminal Mischief III). It also exposes your neighbor to whatever diseases your doper ass is carrying around. Fuck you, you are a criminal and a fucking idiot. If I were your neighbor, I would be sitting up at night with a party sized can of 10% pepper spray & would hose your ass down the next time you stepped on my property.

  12. I wish that a woman had written this. Then we could get married and have babies. Unfortunately I can only envision an overweight, hairy male. I don’t know if I could ever muster enough ass power to shit on someone’s door, either. Maybe down the door and onto the stoop. Either way, this is a fair and balanced way of handling things.

  13. Ha! I did the same thing in middle school to the neighbors who complained to the cops about our firecrackers and playing with squirt guns in the street. During a sleep over we got into a game of truth or dare, I don’t remember who made the dare but it became one of those “I’ll only do it if you do it.” My friend pooped on the hood of their minivan, I pooped on their front door. It was disgusting. The kid who lived there (think Butters from Southpark) came over the next day and was like “Someone finally got back at my parents for being so mean.” No regrets for those assholes.

  14. I love the sense of entitlement you young morons have who move here to trash my city. You think you have the right to fuck up everyone else’s night? You pretend like the idiotic shit you do couldn’t possibly bother other people who have to get up for work in the morning. GET A FUCKING JOB.

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