Hey neighbor. Every year on the other side of the fence you constructed, the grass dies. Also, every year you prep and plant seed to grow more grass. It's dark and shady (thanks to your freakshow super tall fence; keeping us separated was very important to you and your family).
So, you prepared the soil, planted the grass seeds and water like its free. All to cover a giant space where it dies yearly.
Here's the thing: the grass dies because I pee through and over the fence long after you go to bed. Every. Single. Night.
I try to angle some of my urine streams to create sprays using posts from your fence. It's funny because you ribboned off the area to foot/animal traffic but my stanky acidic piss eats and destroys all your hard work. Haw?
Why? Because you and yours are always parking in front of my house when there is PLENTY of room in front of yours. Forcing me to park on the next block........
Technically what I'm doing at 3am is legal. And it is hilarious as fuck as your grass won't grow ever on my watch. At least i piss a criss cross pattern, I could probably,pee a swastika, bitch.
Get the best of the Mercury each week in your inbox!