Dudes. You dont look like Brazilian football players or sensitive yoga practitioners/indyfolk stars. You look like the same idiotic conformist dbags you were last year when you wore hipster glasses, or the year before when you walked around in those stupid porkpie hats.

8 replies on “The Topknot Contagion”

  2. I love seeing all the dudes jumping onto this fad way before they can actually pull it off. Their clearly still too short hair pulled so tight just to get that half-inch of super-legit rubberbanded nubbin’ to stick up.

    I’m moist just thinking about it.

  4. If you don’t work at Samurai Delicatessen, you ought to consider covering that thing up with one of those floppy toques. I think you can find about a hundred of them if you set the WayBack machine to the Doug Fir in 2012.

  6. It’s ONLY acceptable for women to revive this horrible 90’s trend. Men should only be “allowed” (obviously there are no real rules to this, just not looking like a twenty years too late loser) to wear this style if they are also sporting JNCO jeans. And I’m talking about the shaved underneath with the long hair pulled back version.

  7. I believe this latest iteration of Mr. Sensitive Ponytail will end soon because these guys will grow weary of being mistaken for ladies-as kimchi alludes to above.

  8. ^True story. Had a friend who was going through a “metal phase” which involved growing out his hair and wearing tight black jeans. He kept getting hollered at every time he went to smoke outside of his apartment, as he is a slim fellow and apparently easily mistaken for a woman from behind. Ended up getting a haircut because he couldn’t handle the street harassment that came with looking like a woman from one angle.

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