Best Special Ice Cream

1. Better Than Therapy, from Cloud City. Lemon curd + gingersnap cookies = one refreshed fat kid.

2. Huckleberry Cheesecake, from Tonallis. Fruit for health, cheesecake for cheesecake. Their cheesecake tastes a lot like frosting. Five stars.

3. Tillamook Stumptown Cold Brew Coffee Extra Creamy Ice Cream. Double local, double usage of the word "cream" in the flavor name.

4. IKEA soft serve, whatever flavor they've got that day, from IKEA. It's $1.

Best Always Ice Cream

1. Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough, any kind.

2. Vanilla, but only the really good kind.

3. Mint Oreo (mint chocolate chip or plain Oreo could also do in a pinch).

Get That Shit Out of Here, I Don't Care if It Is Ice Cream.

1. The bubblegum flavor they only sold at this one gas station in Hood River in the early '90s. Oh god, I still can't forget it, it was so horrible. Frozen gumballs! WTF?

2. Butter Pecan. Only acceptable if you're over 85.

3. Spumoni. Only acceptable if you're over 85, OR if it's free at the Old Spaghetti Factory.

4. Cotton Candy. No. Why?

5. Black licorice. Die.