GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Words just ain't enough baby, baby. But that's all I can use to state my intentions. Hope it gets to love baby, baby. It's a perfect situation. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

It was a big soccer weekend with the Timbers getting "pasted" by the San Jose Earthquakes 3-0 (check our recap here), and the Thorns pulling a come from behind draw with the Seattle Reign (again, our recap here).

It was also a huge weekend for comedy at the Bridgetown Comedy Fest, and our correspondents were at all the best shows. See what they laughed at most in our Blogtown recaps!

When lenders tried to foreclose on the Vancouver home of a marine, he was ready to fight them... but then the federal government decided to step in and side with the lender. Thanks, Uncle Sam!

A Grant High School teacher passes out a three-page paper to his students denigrating the idea of "rape culture," which says a lot more about his white male privilege than anything else.

Emmanuel Macron, a young centrist, decidedly won France's presidential election against super conservative Marine Le Pen, striking a blow to assholes around the globe who support faux-populist shitheads like Trump.

Meanwhile "a certain country" tried to hack Macron on Friday night and sway the election, but for the following very good reasons America could learn from, that shit didn't fly.

In a related story, former Attorney General Sally Yates will be testifying to a house subcommittee today on what the White House may have known about Michael Flynn's dealings with Russia. Meanwhile, Trump is PANICKING, and trying to tweet his way out of the problem.


The EPA has fired half of its scientific advisers whose primary job is to insure that the science behind the government's decisions are sound. But you know... who cares about that?

Over the weekend Republicans struggled to defend their half-ass, rushed-through health care bill—though some did a much poorer job than others.

At the MTV Movie Awards, they decided to get rid of the antiquated gender-based system and award Emma Watson as "Best Actor."

Now let's look at la météo: Sunny and warm through Wednesday with highs in the low to mid 70s.

And finally, today would be the perfect day to take a nice speedy drive on a winding mountain road, and... OHHHHHH SHHHHHIIIIIIIIIT!