HEY OLD PEOPLE! Turn down the Andy Rooney for a second! Put a bookmark in that Bette Midler profile in AARP The Magazine! Hop in the trusty ol' Buick and drive in an incredibly unsafe manner to your local multiplex—because here's Red, a film made just for you! Unlike so many of today's confusing, loud, gosh-awful films you frequently fall asleep during, Red features a phenomenal cast of retirees... who aren't quite ready to retire!
Bruce Willis (who you might remember from that delightful Moonlighting program a few years back) plays Frank Moses, a retired black-ops agent who's dragged back into the world of espionage. Luckily, Moses has a few lifelong friends who'll help him get out of this pickle—friends like Morgan Freeman (Driving Miss Daisy), John Malkovich (Secretariat), Brian Cox (Frasier), and Helen Mirren (rowr!)! And get ready to see a couple of other non-threatening faces, too, like Richard Dreyfuss and Ernest Borgnine! Think of Red as Ocean's Eleven (the good one, not that newfangled nonsense!) meets Grumpy Old Men! As Moses & Co. use their time-honored experience to best arrogant young whippersnappers like Agent William Cooper (Karl Urban), Red proves to be an empowering reminder: Just because you no longer control your bowels, and even if you would starve to death without Fixodent, you can still do whatever you set your mind to. Like, say, making really terrible action comedies.