ONCE AGAIN, we present the most prestigious and sought-after awards in the videogame industry. Bask in the glow of winning, winners. Bask in it.
Best Inadvertent Ad for Feminine Hygiene Products: Dragon Age: Origins—BioWare obviously wanted to drive home Dragon Age's dark and gritty setting with copious amounts of bloodshed, but painting every battle with an explosion of crimson only elicits childish giggles and jokes about +3 Gauntlets of Tampax.
Best Use of Virtual Bill Murray: Ghostbusters: The Videogame—Though originally nominated for his uncredited voiceover work in Resident Evil 5 (the actor is known as a prolific zombie), Murray's role as Dr. Peter Venkman proves too iconic to ignore.
Best Super Mario Bros. Game that Wins an Award by Virtue of Being the Only Super Mario Bros. Game Released This Year: New Super Mario Bros. Wii—Another year, another Mario game winning an award purely by virtue of including the titular plumber. Even though the game was relatively weak compared to other Mario titles, I'm contractually obligated to give it an award and 40 words of praise. Whoopee.
Least Interesting Character of the Year: That Guy You Played As in Halo 3: ODST—In any other game, the rookie you play as in Halo 3: ODST would have been a perfectly serviceable protagonist—but all anyone who finished Bungie's most recent shooter seems to remember of the poor grunt is that he wasn't named "Master Chief."
Most Disappointing Long-Awaited Racing Game Published by Sony for the PSP: Gran Turismo PSP—After nearly half a decade in development, you'd think Sony and developer Polyphony Digital would give us the best racing simulation possible, but the recently released result is more like a half-finished advertisement for the theoretically upcoming Gran Turismo 5.
Game of the Year: Uncharted 2: Among Thieves—No gag here: Uncharted 2 is the bee's knees. From the script to the gameplay to the surprisingly fleshed-out multiplayer, Uncharted 2 represents the best $60 investment you could make in 2009.