LOOK, LET'S GET one thing clear: regularly watching Glee does not make me gay. Reading Men's Health magazine makes me gay. Thinking up increasingly convoluted high-fives to give my softball teammates makes me gay. Cut off jean shorts—makes me gay. Spending waaay too much time detailing my car? Makes me gay. In fact there are tons of "straight guy" stuff I do every day that makes me flaming gay. (However, squealing like a girl when I heard Liza Minnelli doing a cover of Beyoncé's "Single Ladies"—that makes me a very different kind of gay.) My point is that it really doesn't matter how many women or men I've pleased sexually (87 and 42, though that's a conservative count). While Glee may, in fact, be the gayest show on television—gayer than RuPaul riding a rainbow unicorn at the annual Gaytown Gay Rodeo—it's a show that celebrates everyone: gays, straights, minorities, majorities, nice people, and a-holes. Though I'm pretty sure it hasn't celebrated gay monkeys yet. They should get on that.
Anyhoo, I think everybody should watch Glee (especially the season finale on Tuesday, June 8, at 9 pm on Fox) and not only because it's one of the most heartfelt, hilarious, and entertaining shows on TV. Everybody should also watch it because it can also be excruciatingly TERRIBLE. Example: Kristin Chenoweth and Matthew Morrison's recent cover of Barbra Streisand's "One Less Bell to Answer/A House Is Not a Home" was a gorgeous, show-stopping number that puts anything currently on Broadway to shame. In contrast, Morrison's white-boy hiphop version of Young MC's "Bust a Move" made me want to scrape the ears off my head with one end of a claw hammer, and bash my brains out with the other. HOWEVER! That's also why I love this show: Glee takes enormous risks, putting everything on the line with every episode. And unlike practically every other show on TV, there's the undeniable feeling that Glee actually gives a crap about what they do and say. And even better? They always touch on sensitive issues with humor—without getting up on their high horse. (Unless the horse is a rainbow unicorn, of course.)
That being said, watch Glee! And if you have time, watch these other shows as well, which are gay in their own beautiful ways.
Scripps National Spelling Bee (ABC, Fri June 4, 8 pm). Sure, it's not the Super Bowl—it's something that actually matters. For these nerds, this is their one shot at getting laid (at least by other nerds).
The Making of the Wizarding World of Harry Potter (NBC, Sun June 6, 7 pm). Behind the scenes at the new Harry Potter amusement park, where no one will ever get laid. Gay or straight.
Kathy Griffin Does the Bible Belt (Bravo, Tues June 8, 10 pm). In this special, Kathy brings her caustic, gay-friendly humor to the hillbilly belt—where they're more likely to make love to a hog rather than someone of their own gender.
Through the Wormhole with Morgan Freeman (Science, Wed June 9, 10 pm). And that, my friends, is perhaps the gayest name for a show you'll ever hear.
THURSDAY, JUNE 3
6:00 ABC NBA FINALS
It's game one of the NBA finals, where the Minnesota "ZZZZZZs" take on the New Jersey "Snores."
9:00 USA BURN NOTICE
Season premiere! Michael must protect a lawyer who's targeted by a burly, hairy biker gang. That sounds gay, too!
FRIDAY, JUNE 4
11:59 HBO NEISTAT BROTHERS
Debut! A filmmaking brother duo travel the country making home movies (that might actually be worth suffering through).
SATURDAY, JUNE 5
9:00 SYFY PRINCESS OF MARS—Movie
(2009) Antonio Sabato Jr. and ex-porn queen Traci Lords get nasty in zero gravity in this unfaithful adaptation of the Edgar Rice Burroughs classic.
SUNDAY, JUNE 6
9:00 MTV 2010 MTV MOVIE AWARDS
Can Kanye please interrupt James Cameron's acceptance speech?
10:00 AMC BREAKING BAD
Jesse's attempts to brew his own meth take a disastrous turn. UNSURPRISE!
MONDAY, JUNE 7
8:00 NBC LAST COMIC STANDING
Season premiere! The return of the most annoying show since America's Next Great Mime and Hipster.
10:00 NBC PERSONS UNKNOWN
Debut! A group of people are kidnapped by a psycho who's planning his own deadly reality show!
TUESDAY, JUNE 8
8:00 FOX HELL'S KITCHEN
Chef Ramsay gives the contestants an "egg challenge" (where they must avoid getting hit by eggs, I presume).
9:00 FOX GLEE
Season finale! The Gleetards take on their greatest rivals at regionals. It's a "gay-off," guys!!
WEDNESDAY, JUNE 9
9:00 VH1 YOU'RE CUT OFF!
Debut! Millionaires cut off all monetary help to their pampered princesses. Meanwhile, we laugh, and laugh, and laugh.
10:00 SCIENCE THROUGH THE WORMHOLE WITH MORGAN FREEMAN