[Got an anonymous confession or rant you just have to share with the world? Submit it to I, Anonymous HERE!—eds]
I have been getting hit with governor race ads back to back lately. And it dawned on me, since the ads kind of seem identical, that we are being played. Hear me out, Oregon is secretly run by one big lesbian uniparty and Kotek and Drazan are in on it. They pretend to be different parties but you can feel the tension in the ads. This is one queer ponzi scheme. The HQ is probably hidden at a nonprofit equestrian refuge or the backroom of a trader joes. Whoever wins, it does not matter because this coven of middle aged lady mobsters are walking out with reusable canvas duffle bags filled to the brim with our money and driving their subarus off into the sunset.—Anonymous