Reason #1: You’re lazy.
Reason #2: They know a “win-win-win-win-win-win” situation when they see it.
Reason #3: Not scared of pulling in some serious buckage.
Reason #4: Suuuuuuuweet!
Reason #5: Wait a second… I’m pretty sure a couple of these “teens” are actually 47. LAME!!

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)