A text document entitled “A list of awesome movie titles,” which I have no recollection of writing. I now present it to you, unedited, in its entirety.

• Boat Cop
• Space Dragon Who Solves Crimes
• Time-Travelin’ Boat Cop
• A Punch to the Face in the Dark
• Big 2: Larger ‘n Life!
• Wise-Crackin’ Pterodactyl
• Ninja Dog
• Sabertooth Tiger: The Movie (in 3D)
• Point-of-View Shots of People Going Down Underground Waterslides, Like That One Part in Goonies But for 90 Minutes Straight
• Boat Cop Goes to Busty Summer Camp
• Monkeys Who Travel by Catapult
• Kevin James Gets Hit in the Groin Again
• Bar Fight: The Movie (in 3D)
• Boat Cop vs. A Dinosaur Made Out of Fire

Ned Lannamann is a writer and editor in Portland, Oregon. He writes about film, music, TV, books, travel, tech, food, drink, outdoors, and other things.

77 replies on “Found on My Hard Drive”

  1. If Kevin James is Boat Cop, I think you’re in business here. I’d like to see a Dinosaur Made of Fire kick him in the nuts for an hour.

    You’d think it would get old. I’m willing to test that theory.

  3. I demand more Boat Cop themed content, starting immediately.

    My contributions:

    Boat Cop: Boat Cops of Our Fathers

    3 Boat Cops and a Baby

    Boat Cop V: Boat Coppin’

    Boat Cop Goes to College

    Boat Cop Takes a Semester Off to like Find Himself, Maybe in, Like, Europe or Something

    Boat Cop III: The Search for Boat Cop

    Boat Cop: Boat Cop!

    RoBoat Cop

    Look Who’s Boat Cop Now

    Weekend at Boat Cop’s

    and

    Weekend at Boat Cop’s II

  4. Boat Cop: Crip-walkin the Plank
    Boat Cop and The Tumescent Panini of Satan
    Boat Cop Learns The Charleston
    Me, a Corgi, a Leper, and Boat Cop.
    Boat Cop Makes Jean Jackets look GOOD.
    Morning Wood Makes Boat Cop Pee Weird
    Boat Cop Wants to Know What Love Is.

  14. This thread has me torn between two conflicting emotions:

    1. You people are making a mockery of Boat Cop.
    2. You people really understand me.

    I’d like to add one further title:

    Boat Cop: On Land!!!!!

  21. Teen Boat Cop: Skiff Cop
    Lady Boat Cop
    Lady Boat Cop II (with twice as many windswept hair shots)
    Boat Cop XXX: The Nightboat’s A-Rockin’
    Boat Cop XXL: THE BOAT COPPIEST!

  22. Oh, and…
    • Tyler Perry Presents: For Colored Boat Cops Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow Is Enuf
    • Das Boat Cop
    • Boat Cop IV: Boat Cop Meets Frankenstein
    • Boat Cop V: Moat Cop (he gets demoted)
    • Boat Cop VI: The Legend of Curly’s Gold

    And for the adults:
    • Boat Cop: The Erotic Undersea Adventures of Mrs. Boat Cop
    • Boat Cop II: Coppin’ a Feel on the Seven Seas of Sex

  29. The Brave and the Boat Cop.
    Boat Cop: P.I.
    Boat Cop Joins the American Society of Cinematographers
    Boat Cop Why Are Your Pants So High?
    Boat Cop: Super Awesome Team (w/ Space Dragon, Wise-Crackin Pterodactyl, and Catapult Monkey)
    Her Favorite Flavor is Boat Cop
    Always Boatin, Forever Coppin
    Boat Cop Chips A Tooth on an Almond
    Boat Copter

  36. A Connecticut Boat Cop in King Arthur’s Creek
    David Boat Copperfield
    Boat Cop X-TREME: The New Class
    Bad Boat Cop: Port of Call New Orleans
    Green Lantern 2: Space Boat Cop

  39. Is this beyond stale yet? Because I’m just getting here.

    Boat Cop: Land Before Time…Cop
    Can’t Stop / Won’t Stop: Boat Cop
    Boat Cops On a Plane
    Boat Copropheila
    Boat Cop XXVI: The UnBoatening & De-ReCoppening
    Boat Copperhead Road: Boat Cop in Concert with Steve Earle
    Boat Coperation Dumbo Drop
    Boat Cop v. Air Wolf
    I’m On a Boat Cop
    The Hunt for Red Boat Cop
    Boat Cop, or My Mom Will Shoot!

  41. Wow you people are funny. Das Boat Cop. Me likey.

    Boat Copistic: Deck vs. Anchor
    The Boat and the Cop: Slipstream Drift
    The Unboatable Copness of Being
    Boat Cop V: Batten Down Beat Down

  42. Where is the Kickstarter solicitation for “Boat Cop” production funds?

    I’m in for whatever level gets me the shirt and soundtrack.

  43. Deep Boat Cop
    The Boat Cop and Mr. Chicken
    Who’s Afraid of Virginia, Boat Cop’s Mom
    The Love Boat Cop
    Boat Cop Meets Godzilla
    I Am Curious (Boat Cop)

  45. Boat Cop: The Fellowship of The Spring
    Boat Cop: The Two Scours (from all the bad shrimp)
    Boat Cop: Return Of The Swamp Thing…. That Commits Crimes and Stuff…

  46. The Last Temptation of Boat Cop
    11 Angry Men and 1 Boat Cop
    Un Chien Andaboatcop
    Faster, Pussycat! Boat! Cop!
    My Dinner With Andre and, Later, Drinks With Him, Jackie, Chico, and Boat Cop

  54. Boat! The Terror From Beyond Cop

    Unfloatious Boutkops

    The Passion of Cop of Boat

    The Lion, the Witch and the Restraining Order Against Boat Cop

    The Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call – Boat Cop’s Anus

  57. Boat Cop Under the Stairs
    Last Boat Cop on the Left
    Boat Cop on Elm Street
    Boat Cop of the Dead

    After reading this thread, “Boat Cop” feels like a tongue twister.

  62. Boat Cop vs. Aquaman

    Boat Cop: Wet Dreams

    Boat Cop Seeks Atlantis

    Boat Cop with a Vengeance

  66. The Diving Bell and the Buttcrack of Boat Cop

    Boat Cop 2: Cop on a Hot Tin Boat

    Boat Cop 3: Silent Boat, Deadly Cop

    Boat Cop 4: The Unboatable Lightness of Cop

    Amèlie 2: Frenching Boat Cop

    Boatcoppio ’70

    …And God Created Boat Cop

    Bob & Carol & Ted &, You Guessed It, Boat Cop

  70. BOAT COP WEEK on the History Channel, featuring a new installment of Real Boat Cops of History each night! Including:
    Aquatic Police of the Roman Empire
    Leif Ericson and the Original Seafaring Enforcers of the North Sea
    Making Waves of Peace: the Boat Cop Revival of the 1970s
    Boatwrecked! True Stories from Cops Stranded on Desert Islands
    Boat Corruption: the Dark Side of Floating Copdom
    Ship Cop: Bringing Justice to the New World

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