DUDES: Lucky Sylvian is just plain stooopid ["Letters," Sept 25, in which Mr. Sylvian dubs Katie Shimer as "Katie Shitter"]. Katie's honor must be defended. Not only is Shimer a kick-ass writer with impeccable taste, she also brandishes the cynicism that passionate haters like me relish. If Icky Slyvian has a tenuous grasp on reality, "it" should stay on the meds and stay out of the way, 'cuz Katie just rolls over all the weak and phony shit. Katie, I love you! Let me buy you a filet mignon and a gazillion PBRs.
MOST GRAFFITI IS DISGUSTING
HI JULIANNE: Thanks for your article on European graffiti ["A Tale of Two Graffitis," Sept 18, Julianne Shepherd]. I don't disagree that public "art" should be embraced by our city. I do however disagree with your notion that all graffiti is art, and should therefore be allowed.
Sure, there are rare exceptions, most notably in Philadelphia, where murals are everywhere. But these murals were commissioned by property owners, not imposed by the late-night "artists" with a spray can or two. Writing a name or an obscenity is not art.
These same artists can find other canvases and sell their "art" on the street, or get it hung in a gallery. Or better yet, check with local property owners, as they do in Philadelphia, and actually come up with an idea and execute it with their God-given talent. This would be a logical compromise to giving graffiti artists blank canvases around the city.
As an artist myself, I find 98% of the graffiti I see disgusting. These people are not artists. They are vandals and should be treated as such.
DEAD JOHN RITTER BATTLE RAP!
TO THE EDITOR: If you're gonna go handing out fat cash to "Sweet" Pete Cornell for that sorry-ass toilet paper poem he vomited up for Ol' Jackie boy ["Ode to the Life of John Ritter" Contest, Sept. 18], you'd better step off and let the love begin. Watch your back around these parts, Petey, and show some respect for the dead. While you're at it, use the 25 bucks for some rhyming lessons. Well here it isÉ
My big ups to John Ritter
Unlike the King Elvis
He didn't go dying on the shitter
People be player hating, man
Because all they are is bitter
Jerkin' off to Suzanne Somers
Like she was the babysitter
Not exactly Al Pacino
Sure wasn't no De Niro
But he never played the race card
Like that lawyer Rob Shapiro
Keeps us laughin' til this day
Unafraid to play a gay
Aw, c'mon Jack Tripper
What more can I say
So if you think his skits were wack
You know it's quite the contrary
Nobody writes odes to his swinger friend Larry.
"Sweet" Pete Cornell responds:
Thanks for bringing focus to the heart of this thing,
I said "Fuck John Ritter" because he wasn't The King
Just another bad actor, we're overpopulated
So get off my nuts, saying I'm player hating
Which bring me to you, and your critique of my ode
Your rhyme stinks worse than fromunda my chode
"Keeps us laughing to this day," are you a retard?
And hell yes Suzanne Somers can get my dick hard
Please don't get a bitter taste about Larry--your idol
You're better off focusing on your rap recital
Think twice before you defend
John Ritter the chump
Three times before you ever dare
threaten me, punk
If you wanna spit out challenges, cash is the rule
I'll take your money too,
then take you back to school.
THOUGH "SWEET" PETE REMAINS VICTORIOUS, lets give "big ups" to Mike Smyth for daring to take Pete on in the "Dead John Ritter Battle Rap." Mike wins the Mercury "Letter of the Week" and pairs of passes to the Laurelhurst Theater, and Dante's to see Gorky's Zygotic Mynci on Oct 10. WORD!
DEPT. OF CLARIFICATION
In last week's Back to School Clip 'N' Save Directory we listed two businesses under the heading "Hydroponics." Next to the heading a marijuana leaf was pictured. We'd like to clarify that neither of these businesses intend for their hydroponics equipment to be used in any type of illegal activity.