Ryan McGinley
People think I'm being fashionably ignorant about football, when in actuality, I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY could not care less about football. Like Christianity, I gave it up after reaching the age of reason (12), and never looked back. So obviously the only reason I'm interested in giving a second glance at this year's Super Bowl is because Justin Timberlake will be performing at halftime. BUT WHAT TIME DOES THE HALFTIME SHOW START?? Because I swear to god if I catch one glimpse of that insufferable, Trump-supporting stooge Tom Brady, I will napalm the earth.

The interminable Super Bowl pre-show will start at 10 am PST on NBC, the actual unwatchable game will kick off at 3:30 pm, which means THE JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE MORE-TOLERABLE-THAN-FOOTBALL HALFTIME SHOW (brought to you by Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy [brain damage] and Funyuns) will begin at roughly 5 pm, give or take a few minutes.

OH, AND ONE MORE THING: While I have been a JT fan longer than almost all of you (not a insult, just an indisputable fact), I am not a slobbering toady, because while Justin may be a fantastic performer, he has also been guilty of some problematic public behavior. And let us never forget that following his first Super Bowl performance, he kinda treated Janet Jackson like shit—and got away with it. Because white dudes usually do. Our Ann Romano in this week's One Day at a Time said it best:

According to Us magazine, Janet Jackson will not—repeat, not—perform at this year’s Super Bowl halftime show with Justin Timberlake. Why? Because the last time, IT DIDN’T GO WELL. As you probably recall, Justin exposed Janet’s breast on national TV and everybody freaked the fuck out. (Because... EEEEEE! A BREAST!!) Janet’s career never fully recovered from the incident, as she was blacklisted from MTV, VH1, and radio; harassed by the FCC; and slut-shamed by conservatives and the religious right. But shockingly, Justin’s career was just fine! After refusing to stand up for Janet, Justin went on to become one of the top pop artists in the world, and was enthusiastically invited back to this year’s Super Bowl. Soooo... surprise! Janet won’t be there! (Because who wants to get thrown under the bus twice?)

Just something to chew on while watching Justin's performance. Maybe ladle this information on top of your nachos?