Apparently, an asteroid is on a collision course with Earth right now, and everyone here in the Mercury office is like, “Hey, Astronomy Guy, you’ve got to post something about this because you usually write about astronomyyyy! We’re all gonna die! Asteroid! Meteor! Astronomy! Waaaaaaaa!”
I’m sorry. I can’t. I’m too sad. I just heard some far more distressing news.
RIP, Heavy D.
It missed about 4 hours ago but it was the size of the Hawthorne Bridge.
It will not smash into Earth until about 100 years from now.
Maybe the asteroid killed Heavy D.
No, it was Andy Rooney and Joe Frazier. The Grim Reaper is lazy, he can only grab celebrities in groups of 3.
Uh. One of my favorite jams from that era. Lord, act as you will, but the New Jack Swing era will never die.
VIVA JOHNNY GIL Y KEITH SWEAT!
Have we forgotten about the author of the awful advice column for teens “Ask Beth”? She, after many years of being old and fabricating letters from fictional teenagers who were about to try drugs because their friends said they were “cool,” died! After A. Rooney, before J. Frazier.
Also, Heavy D is dead, yes, but what of Tha’ Boyz?
I’m so sad! I used to drink Heavy D on hot summer nights while tracking killer asteroids through the cloudless summer skies and…what? Oh that’s Sunny D? I can still get some? It’s not dead?
Whew.