Y’know who loves Halo? Erik “Master’s Degree In Advanced Chiefery” Henriksen. Y’know who loves Halo even more? Sega, apparently. Sega of America DUDEICAL! TUBULOUS! EXCREMENTAL! Yup, that Sega. The company that brought you the only hedgehog ever able to pull off early-90s “X-Treme!!!” attitude without a hint of irony. (Which, it should be said, was […]
Earnest "Nex" Cavalli
Posted inVideo Games
The Penny Arcade Reality TV Show: TOTALLY A Thing
In an effort to metaphorically scream, “Hollywood gave Chachi his own reality show, so why not us?!” Jerry Holkins and Mike Krahulik have become the latest pseudo-celebrities to convince a Hollywood suit that filming the minutiae of their daily lives is a guaranteed ratings blockbuster. Wired From left to not left: Mike Krahulik, Jerry Holkins […]
Posted inVideo Games
Ibuki, Makoto, Dudley Join Super Street Fighter IV Cast
Capcom unveiled three more additions to the Super Street Fighter IV cast this morning: Kawaii she-ninja Ibuki, posh British moustache aficionado Dudley, and hard-assed Japanese karate adrogyne Makoto. It’s nice to see Capcom showing some love to the pugilists of Street Fighter III, but will fans of the very Street Fighter II-esque Street Fighter IV […]
Posted inVideo Games
Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa: Hollywood’s Every-Asian
The above is an image of actor Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa as Shang Tsung in Mortal Kombat, the film based on Midway’s fighting series of the same name. The above is an image of actor Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa as Heihachi Mishima in Tekken, the film based on Namco Bandai’s fighting series of the same name. And this final […]
Posted inVideo Games
StarCraft 2: The Beta: The Addiction
If you’ve been wondering where I’ve been for most of this week, the answer is simple: Blizzard sent me an invite for the StarCraft 2 beta, and I’ve done nothing but immolate Zerg hordes and gun down holier-than-Space-Jesus Protoss jihadists for the last three days. Blizzard Entertainment Welcome to the New Sex. I haven’t eaten, […]
Posted inVideo Games
Street Fighter Fixes The World’s Problems
In lieu of candied hearts and polite over the sweater action, Capcom delivers stylized Chinese ladies joining forces with stylized British ladies to punch stylized Korean ladies. One could see this as a metaphorical attempt to heal the indelible wounds created by the British occupation of Hong Kong following the first Opium War — a […]
Posted inVideo Games
Finally, Some Real Dead Rising 2 News
While I was out yesterday assisting our fearless leader’s attempts to crack down on the growing blight of heroin addiction amongst deciduous trees, Capcom was busy revealing news on the only upcoming game I really care about: Dead Rising 2. Capcom USA I swear, Capcom actually named this picture “Hammer Time” Hey Capcom, thanks a […]
Posted inVideo Games
Yo Koppa, Where You At? (UPDATED)
“Right here dog. I’m just sippin’ on some clover.” Atlus USA Koppa. Purportedly Sippin’ On Clover. Update: Mercury film editor Erik Henriksen phoned me at 4AM this morning to discuss this piece. At first all I heard was ragged breathing and if I hadn’t checked my phone’s caller ID before picking up, I wouldn’t have […]
Posted inVideo Games
The Tester Makes Me Want To Die (But Not Before I Take Sony With Me)
(Note to any readers suffering from a frail constitution: You may want to skip this post. It contains one hundred and thirty four percent of your daily recommended allowance of iron, potassium and uncensored, almond-flavored hate. At times, it could be said that I revel in my vitriol — assuming “revel” is the word you […]
Posted inSports
Saints Beat Colts, 34 to 31!
Did you realize it’s the year 2010 already? I know! We have shit to do! We’ve gotta, like, go invent dinosaur cyborgs and spaceships that aren’t in any way shaped like penises! We do not have six hours of free time to watch dudes with names like “Peyton” and “Reggie” smash into each other while […]
Posted inVideo Games
What Happens In New Vegas Stays In … I Feel So Dirty
Did they really need to call the next Fallout game Fallout: New Vegas? I hope Bethesda realizes that the title is going to spawn months of coverage of this game from my stupid, uncreative gaming journo colleagues that includes some variation of the “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas” tourism slogan that was designed […]
Posted inVideo Games
There’s A Dead Rising Movie Now? There’s A Dead Rising Movie Now!
If it seems like all I ever do lately is write about ill-conceived live action film adaptations of beloved gaming series, that’s because, well … it’s true. These films are low hanging fruit and in a world where a man’s adorable feline companions can be torn into pieces by something as simple as the jaws […]