The last few weeks have seen more important videogame releases than the entirety of the last year, and a few days ago, arguably the biggest release of all hit store shelves: Halo 3. Bungie’s long-awaited finale to their much-lauded trilogy has already managed to break all kinds of sales records, and had a Pokémon game […]
Earnest "Nex" Cavalli
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Goddess of war
Heavenly Sword is the PlayStation 3’s answer to Hugh Hefner’s harem of blondes: It relies heavily on its stunning physical attributes, but once you look beneath the good looks, you begin to realize how shallow it is, and then it burns when you pee. Unavoidable comparisons to the PlayStation 2’s God of War abound with […]
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Turning Japanese
When you hear a Japanese development house consisting of Hironobu Sakaguchi (creator of the Final Fantasy series), Nobuo Uematsu (composer behind the most memorable Final Fantasy orchestral scores), and Akira Toriyama (creator of Dragon Ball and illustrator behind the Dragon Quest/Dragon Warrior series) is creating an epic role-playing game for the Xbox 360, you might […]
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Welcome to Rapture
Much to the horror of poor gamers everywhere, this fall sees an amazing succession of high-profile titles being released in the span of two months. From the latest iteration of frat-favorite Madden to Blue Dragon (the next RPG to suck 80 hours out of your life), there’s something available for absolutely every taste. With the […]
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Click Click Bang Bang
Former Faith No More singer Mike Patton’s resumé reads like a 28-year-old’s impromptu list of the coolest acts in rock and hiphop—and with his turn as the voice of the eponymous demonic sidekick in The Darkness, Patton can add “making children shit themselves” to an already impressive list. Unfortunately, the rest of The Darkness—the latest […]
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Oil Lust
Due to the absence of a Gran Turismo racing title for this generation of consoles, racing enthusiasts are almost forced to buy Forza Motorsport 2 to satiate their oil lust. Luckily for them, Microsoft and Turn 10 have delivered a game on par with (and occasionally exceeding) Gran Turismo, Sony’s mega-popular racing cash cow. Forza […]
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EXPLODING GIANT SPIDERS!
Earth Defense Force 2017 is like that really slutty girl you went to high school with: They’re both cheap, they provide roughly five hours of entertainment, and there’s the terrifying chance that they’ll cause you to lose your genitals to a swarm of insects. EDF 2017 seems like a parody of all of those Japanese […]
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Virtual Townshendism
Guitar Hero II Developed by Harmonix Published by RedOctane Now Available for PlayStation 2, Xbox 360 Guitar Hero II, a game that’s been out for the PlayStation 2 for five months, has finally landed on the Xbox 360. Normally, this isn’t the sort of thing that would warrant any attention—but when a game is so […]