Heavenly Sword is the PlayStation 3’s answer to Hugh Hefner’s
harem of blondes: It relies heavily on its stunning physical
attributes, but once you look beneath the good looks, you begin to
realize how shallow it is, and then it burns when you pee.
Unavoidable comparisons to the PlayStation 2’s God of War abound with Heavenly Sword, and while it mimics that amazing
series, it’s as if the developers played the earlier titles in between
bong rips, then tried to recreate what they could remember. Gone are
God of War‘s character-building segments and freeform skill
system—instead, Heavenly Sword‘s main character, Nariko,
has all of her abilities available to her from the beginning, leaving
gamers with little to accomplish aside from staring at Nariko’s ass or
the equally appealing scenery. Combined with a combat system that looks
fantastic, yet quickly devolves into tapping the same series of buttons
for the entirety of its six-hour runtime, and you get the feeling that
this game is going to end up in the used games bin a week after its
release.
Thankfully, the developers did manage to innovate with Heavenly
Sword‘s counter system. When attacked by a foe, you must rely on
quick timing and intuitive button presses to deflect the blow and
launch into a Matrix-esque counterattack. Unfortunately, that
alone will only provide 20 or 30 minutes of entertainment until it
becomes redundant.
If you absolutely cannot wait for the eventual God of War 3 to hit your PlayStation 3, or you’re crying softly to yourself about
how you blew a mortgage payment on a gaming machine that’s definitely
lacking in quality games, Heavenly Sword would serve as an
excellent rental. But anything beyond beating it over the course of the
weekend is going to require severe masochistic tendencies, and when one
can just as easily cut themselves while listening to the Cure, a $60
entry fee just isn’t worth it.