“Just try and stay out of my way. Just try!” Joseph Sohm / Shutterstock.com Okay, now THIS is the sort of Republican trickery we’ve been waiting for: The GOP is great at launching terrible attacks against Democrats, and now they’re finally figuring out the science and art necessary for taking down Donald Trump. At last, […]
Matt Baume
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Bernie Sanders Defeats Nate Silver in Michigan Primary
Last night was basically the electoral equivalent of jumping out of a cake to startle everyone in the room. David Gilder / Shutterstock.com Hillary won a majority of the delegates last night, but Bernie’s the real victor. Not over Hillary, but over the expectation that he’d lose Michigan by a wide margin. In fact, he […]
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More Good News for Noted Muscle Hunk Bernie Sanders
Something tasteful to hang above your mantle. a katz / Shutterstock.com This was a fairly pleasant weekend for Bernie Sanders. He got a bunch of words in edgewise at the CNN debate; he won three out of four states, picking up 53 delegates (though Hillary picked up 64); and there is an erotic coloring book […]
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Trump Secures Coveted White Supremacist Endorsement
“Thanks, white supremacists!” a katz / Shutterstock.com Good news, racists! No longer do you have to agonize over your choices for president. David Duke, former Ku Klux Klan grand wizard, knows exactly who you should vote for. Would you believe it’s Donald Trump? We’ll just have to see whether Trump brags about this little coup […]
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And Now Let Us Play the Supreme Court Nomination Speculation Game
“Surprise! I nominate myself.” Frederic Legrand – COMEO / Shutterstock.com The Senate gets back from its recess on February 22, and boy oh boy are they going to have some fun business waiting for them. For now, though, it’s time to just enjoy the wild furore of the SCOTUS Speculation Machine. Who’s Obama going to […]
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Bernie’s More Popular than Ever, So Why Is He Still Losing So Badly?
Bernie: Unfortunately for him, he’s only popular with voters. a katz / Shutterstock.com The good news for Bernie is that his loss is looking slightly less inevitable than it did a week ago. Polling is abruptly tied in Nevada, he’s narrowing the gap in Florida (Clinton 50%, Bernie 26%) and he’s catching up in Ohio […]
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Veterans Not Interested in Serving as Trump Props
Donald Trump’s face looks like the belly of a labrador retriever after it just got out of a lake. a katz / Shutterstock.com They’re willing to fight in a war zone, but there are limits to what soldiers are willing to put themselves through. Appearing onstage next to Donald Trump was just too much for […]
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Our Long National Nightmare of Having to Say the Word “Caucus” Is Nearly Over
“Thanks for your … votes? Or whatever it is caucuses produce.” Crush Rush / Shutterstock.com Imagine if we lived in a country where everyone got together and looked at our options for leadership and then all got to vote, and whoever got the most votes won! You could call it, I dunno, “democracy” or something. […]
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Ted Cruz Mailer Accidentally Makes Convincing Case for Voting Against Ted Cruz
“Why doesn’t anyone like me? Maybe I just haven’t bothered them enough.” Rich Koele / Shutterstock.com This is it — caucus day, Iowa’s last chance to make a complete mess of the presidential campaign. Nate Silver’s calling the odds this morning at 67% likely to go for Hillary and 46% likely to go for Trump. […]
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And Now Let Us All Enjoy Watching the Collapse of the Republican Party
“According to this you’re running for … president? Can that possibly be correct?” Crush Rush / Shutterstock.com It’s a little known fact that the Republican Party is actually a massive superweapon designed to absorb the quintessence of a nearby star and then transform it into a beam of pure phantom energy. Although the Republican base […]
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Hillary the Pragmatist Stares Down Bernie the Revolutionary at Town Hall
Hillary prepares for transport to the Romulan ambassador’s ship. a katz / Shutterstock.com Why, Democrats, why are you making us choose? Why must we have either the practical, down-to-Earth Hillary or the dreamy, optimistic Bernie? Please find a way to fashion a candidate who is both. Last night’s “town hall” on CNN once again highlighted […]
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A Few Bernie Sanders Victories Could Be Just What Hillary Clinton Needs
Hillary clutches her pearls in mock surprise at the turnout. “You’re all here to see ME?” Joseph Sohm / Shutterstock.com So far it’s been a slow news day, election-wise. None of the candidates have dropped any babies they were trying to kiss, or hacked each others’ mailing lists, or called for the deportation of an […]