The Republican presidential candidates nervously tap their jacket pockets to make sure the wads of cash from the NRA are still there. Joseph Sohm / Shutterstock.com Ninety-two percent—that’s the percentage of Americans who favor background checks for all gun buyers. Just try finding that level of support on any other issue! It’s the kind of […]
Matt Baume
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Ted Cruz Can’t Decide: Is Gay Marriage a Threat to Democracy, or Not a Priority?
Hello, I am Ted Cruz, a person literally without any purpose for existing. Christopher Halloran / Shutterstock.com Which Ted Cruz do you prefer: pandering opportunist, or dangerous zealot? When he’s talking to evangelicals, Cruz likes to boast about his opposition to gay marriage. Fair enough; the guy’s chosen his side and homophobia comes with the […]
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A Bernie Sanders Staffer May Have Just Fucked the Whole Campaign
The Democratic National Committee is effectively hog-tying the Sanders campaign six weeks before the Iowa caucuses, crippling his campaign’s field organizing. Andrew Cline / Shutterstock.com A Bernie Sanders staffer was just fired for improperly poking around in a Clinton campaign voter file, which means that person’s now job hunting several weeks before the rest of […]
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Can We Talk, Bernie Sanders Supporters?
Oh man, Mulder and Scully did not age well. Joseph Sohm / Shutterstock.com Okay, let’s be real, Bernie Sanders supporters. We all know your candidate would make the best president. He is awesome. Says everything that a good-guy president should, and actually believes it. <a href="http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/politics/2015/12/bernie_sanders_message_discipline_may_not_be_enough_to_win.html”>Yeah, sure, he’s not super-interested in foreign policy, but imagine […]
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What to Expect from Tonight’s Pointless Republican Debate
It will be broadcast again from the Reagan Presidential Library, minus Scott Walker this time. It starts at 5:30 pm. Eli Sanders and Sean Nelson will be liveslogging it. Joseph Sohm / Shutterstock.com Once more unto the blech, dear friends. The Republican personalities assemble yet again tonight to say words — so many words! But […]
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How Politicians Who’ve Been Funded by the NRA Re$ponded to the Shooting in San Bernadino
“I’ve been hearing a lot about San Bernadino, Dad.” Jesus Christ/Shutterstock Republicans agree: It’s time for some serious action on mass shootings, if by “action” you mean “tweeting, maybe, if I feel like it.” And the National Rifle Association has assured that the political response to gun violence will remain as muted as possible, having […]
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Congressional Republicans Just Approved Bill to Provide Americans with More Poisonous Gasses to Breathe
“Good God what is WRONG with you people,” Obama thought to himself. “Hello, my fellow Americans,” he said. LaMarr McDaniel / Shutterstock.com What if there were a terrorist group that killed 3.3 million people around the world every year, including 55,000 in the United States? Well, if the terrorists were foreigners, Congress probably be falling […]
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Republicans Threaten to Shut Down Government to Defund Planned Parenthood, and Give Tax Breaks to NASCAR and Bacardi
Speaker Paul Ryan demonstrates a festive jig as commanded by his billionaire overlords. Christopher Halloran / Shutterstock.com What better way to celebrate the holidays than by holding the government hostage, demanding money for your pet programs, and then shutting federal services down if you don’t get your way? It’s a brand new Republican Christmas tradition! […]
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Apparently Ted Cruz Is the One We Need to Be Worrying About Now
Shutterstock Ted Cruz: Boring but deadly. A good magic trick is all about distraction — whipping out some eye-catching bouquet of flowers or dazzling with jazz hands in order to keep anyone from noticing the card tucked in the sleeve.And while it’s fun to laugh about Ben Carson’s pyramid scheme or holler about Donald Trump’s […]
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Donald Trump: What if the World’s Worst Boss Became the World’s Worst President?
Shutterstock An expert without expertise. Many years ago, I worked for one of THOSE bosses, the kind we’ve all had, who would issue demands and proclamations with absolute certainty and was completely wrong about everything.“British children don’t have British accents until they become teenagers,” he once observed. On another occasion: “Why are we all using […]
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Looks Like This Ben Carson Joke Is Finally Nearing Its End
CHRISTOPHER HALLORAN / SHUTTERSTOCK.COM Ben Carson: “Wait, there are countries OTHER than America? Where???” Some presidential campaigns fade away quietly under cover of night so deftly that you might not even even notice they’re gone — for example, it’ll probably be a long, long time before you ever have think about Bobby Jindal again. But […]
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Where’s the Proof that Jeb Bush Is a Christian?
Jeb Bush: secret Zoroastrian? Andrew Cline / Shutterstock.com Jeb Bush is ready to “stand with France,” except for that annoying poem the French had the nerve to chisel on our Statue of Liberty. Give us your tired, poor, huddled masses? Mais non, says Jeb, and au revoir, muslims! To be honest, I don’t know what […]