So much of life is devoted to “what is funny” and “what is ain’t.” It’s true, isn’t it? How many times have you thought of a truly heee-larious gag, but stopped short because there was a hippie nearby just waiting to pounce if you supplied the punch line that was begging to be said? For […]
Wm. Steven Humphrey
Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang.
Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)
Posted inNews
The Second Time Around
The Mercury Celebrates its Second Anniversary by Revealing Why We Chose Such a Stupid Name
Naming a newspaper can be tricky business. Of course, after two verrrrrrrry successful years of publishing the Portland Mercury, we can all sit back and laugh smugly at the difficulty we had coming up with a name for our weekly periodical. What’s that? You’d be interested in learning the secret origins behind the Mercury name? […]
Posted inI Love Television
I Love Television
They Want It All
Wanna know what’s wrong with this world? People are TOO GODDAM GREEDY. They want it all! Remember that adage that everyone eventually becomes famous for 15 minutes? Well, now 15 minutes isn’t nearly enough for these greedy fawks, and some people are asking to be famous for 20, 30 even 45 minutes! Example: Now that […]
Posted inI Love Television
I Love Television
You’ve Got a Friend
For the most part, science is stupid. Why? Because all the scientific research about television is lies, Lies, LIES! In fact, if I were to do a little research of my own, I’d say that four out of five researchers are heavily biased AGAINST television. I mean, think about it! When’s the last time you […]
Posted inMovies & TV
Stay Awake
Insomnia is Great, Despite Robin Williams
Insomnia dir. Nolan Opens Fri May 24 Various Patch Adams. If there’s anyone who deserves to have that albatross hanging around his neck, it’s Robin Williams. And though he’s also done some very competent work (Good Will Hunting), whenever I see him being touted as an insane murderer in the trailers for Insomnia, I think […]
Posted inI Love Television
I Love Television
Goodnight, Grampy
Let’s talk a minute about the concept of “retirement,” shall we? Now, I realize there are some people who must continue to work after retirement age in order to keep a steady supply of Metamucil coming in and that’s why McDonald’s and Wal-Mart exists. But as for the rest of you? MOVE OVER, GRAMPA! The […]
Posted inMovies & TV
Not Another Clone!
Episode II Better than I; Still Stinks
Star Wars: Episode II Attack of the Clones dir. Lucas Opens Thurs May 16 Various Theaters It’s unfortunate for George Lucas that Spider-Man came out before Attack of the Clones–’cause it kinda makes him look like a bad writer which he is. And while Spidey may not win any major statuettes, at least the flick […]
Posted inGeneral
The Cardinal Rules of Vegas
Or, How to Lose Your Shirt on a Budget
Pullout: Gambling
Posted inI Love Television
I Love Television
P. Diddy’s Playhouse?
Ahem! Excuse me! I’d like to be acknowledged, please! I would like to be acknowledged for being the first TV critic to predict that MTV’s The Osbournes was going to be a big hit! As you know, I don’t normally toot my own horn–especially when I’m busy tooting other people’s horns (that is a dirty […]
Posted inMovies & TV
Conflict of Interest Town
Skateboarder Thinks He’s Great–And He’s Right
Dogtown and Z-Boys dir. Peralta Opens Fri May 10 Cinema 21 How would you like it if I wrote a feature-length story for this paper about how I was super-duper cool as a kid, and everybody really looked up to me and respected me for being so super-duper cool? I somehow think you wouldn’t like […]
Posted inI Love Television
I Love Television
Spider Sense… Tingling!
Ahhh sweet, sweet days of youth. You know, this Spider-Man movie has got me reminiscing about the times I would run around dressed in red underpants, my mother’s pantyhose on my head, dosed to the gills on Mountain Dew and Pixie Stix. Yep, Spider-Man was my favorite superhero EVER, and I often went to ridiculous […]