Celebrate your independence by sitting on your fat can and watching these red, white, and blue flicks on the tube! • Fantastic Voyage (1966)–Itty-bitty scientists take the scenic route though a dying man’s blood stream with hubba-hubba Raquel Welch! (Sat July 1, 11 am, AMC) • Rocky (1976)–Sylvester Stallone represents a white America who can’t […]
Wm. Steven Humphrey
Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang.
Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)
Posted inI Love Television
The Evil Within
THOUGH ONE MAY find it shocking, there are certain people in this world who consider me to be “evil incarnate.” They take one look at me and say, “Hey, now there’s a guy who would most certainly thump lit cigarettes at a passing kitten, tell children their parents are putting them up for adoption, and […]
Posted inI Love Television
I Love Television
Good News, Bad News
I SWEAR TO CHRIST, there are two phrases in this world that if I hear one more time, I’m going to stroke out. One of them is “The proof is in the pudding.” I HATE that fawking phrase! You only ever hear it from the mouth of some hyper-intellectual doorknob who’s trying to bring you […]
Posted inI Love Television
I Love Television
The Sole Survivor
KNOW WHAT’S great about having your own column? NOT A GODDAM THING. Oh, sure, everybody thinks just because you have a column, life is filled with prostitutes and candy corn–but it’s a LIE. The burden of having a terrifically popular column can be practically overwhelming. For example, people are always stopping me to say, “Hey, […]
Posted inMovies & TV
Eat This
Breaking Rules with John Waters
IS A DRAG QUEEN MUNCHING on a real piece of dog poop as shocking as it used to be? It still makes my gag reflex do flip-flops–which, considering the things I’ve put in my mouth, really says something. Director Steve Yeager explores this issue and other tabooisms in Divine Trash; his tribute to the masters […]
Posted inNews
The Triumphant Return of The Mercury
Twice-Failed Newspaper Makes Heroic Attempt at Revival
Welcome to the first, or shall we say “latest,” edition of the Portland Mercury. Our last issue was published in 1931 and, after taking a brief hiatus, we are tanned, rested, and ready to make another stab at it. The Mercury name is steeped in historical significance, and it’s our pleasure to reintroduce you to […]
Posted inI Love Television
I Love Television
The Monkey Minority
MANY I LOVE TELEVISION™ readers are fond of writing in with the following two questions: “I really want to have sex with you; will you have sex with me?” and “How come they ain’t no monkeys on TV?” The answer to the first question is “YES.” Yes, I know you want to have sex with […]