Guys! Justin Bieber was videotaped kissing Selena Gomez after the Oscars! EWWW!! WATCH THEM KISS!!

EWWWW!!! Totes gah-ross! Time for me to fire off some cruel, but appropriate tweets!

Selena Gomez why don’t you die in a hole you dead hag! #buriedalive</blockquote
@JustinBieber’s lips have the syphilis! Die, Selena, die! Preferably in a hole!
I have dug two holes: one for @JustinBieber’s lips, one for Selena Gomez—TO DIE IN!!!

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)

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